Star Trek: Gundam
by Makoto Sagara
Summary: Updated - Episode 11: Trailing Annoyances. 3x4, eventual 1x2x5 A fusion of Star Trek and GW. The g-boys are in their ship, The Gundam, when they have to hide from Star Fleet. What they find is One of Five. What happens later is interesting.
1. Surprise Landing

Title: Star Trek: Gundam  
  
Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@aol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@yahoo.com)  
  
Archive: www.angelfire.com/anime3/makotosagara/frames/fanfiction.html, http://afallenangel.net/fandom/ , http://www.fanfiction.net   
  
Pairings: 3x4, 5+2  
  
Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
  
Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU  
  
Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^   
  
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.  
  
Notes: Mako: I take NO credit in the idea that spawned this mess. This is what happens when you get 3 VERY uncooperative muses together to play. I just wrote it. I blame Jo-chan for the rest. Jo: It's all HER fault. *points at Mako* It was HER comment that gave me the mental image of Duo pretending to be Scotty! The rest just kinda... snowballed. Mako: Whatever. Anyway, so we couldn't drop the idea, and this is the result. Kill us later, ok? Jo: Or not. You might actually want more. We can't write more if we're killed. Mako: Yeah, what she said. *zips off, dragging Jo with her* Laters! Jo: Bai bai!  
  
Captain's log, stardate 43055.2: We're on our way to system XP-1090-A, somewhere near one of the too-many neutral zones around the Federation. I've never been here, but our engineer tells me it's... well, I'd rather not repeat his words.  
  
Our doctor has recovered from his recent... incapacitation. Commendations to our engineer and chief of security for admirably handling the ship while I was assisting the doctor in his recovery.  
  
Aside from needing to restock our medical supplies, ship status is goo--*BLARING SIREN* WHAT THE---?! EVERYBODY UP, IT'S STARFLEET!!! (cut off by Captain Winner)  
  
Captain's personal log, stardate 43055.3: Human colloquialisms are so difficult to comprehend, especially the archaic ones that Duo uses. He must have gotten a datapad on such slang recently, since several new terms have been added to his vocabulary since our last port stop a few weeks ago. What in the galaxy is a "buttfuck nebula"?   
  
I asked Duo to elaborate, but he just grinned at me and ducked into a Jeffries tube to tinker with the engine, and Wufei can't -- or won't -- translate. I'm more inclined to think it's "won't". He's always more amused by Duo's odd phrases than anyone else. Trowa, of course, tries not to think about Duo's eccentricities much. They're too illogical for him.  
  
Duo and Wufei. Commendations are certainly in order for those two. They have first dibs on our next big haul. They did a masterful job of taking care of the ship while Trowa and I went through pon farr. And Duo was so kind as to replace the cushions on all the seats while we were gone. We certainly needed the extra padding. (log cut by Captain Winner.)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Captain Quatre Winner, a weak telepath from Betazed, cut his logs as they spotted a Federation vessel.  
  
Trowa, the Vulcan doctor and his closest friend, spoke up. "The USS Melbourne, a Constitution-class vessel, crew compliment of 435 - they have not yet detected us, Captain."  
  
"What the fuck are they doing off their patrol route?!" Engineer Duo Maxwell spoke up.  
  
Winner spoke next. "Find us someplace to hide, gentlemen. I'll make sure there's no trace of the contraband. Duo, come with me."  
  
Weapons specialist Wufei, a half-Klingon of the house of Chang, looked over his own controls. "Captain, borderline M-class planet, bearing 546 mark 2! It should work!"   
  
"Then land!"  
  
The small ship landed, bumpily on the barely livable planet. Captain Winner kept a close eye on the ship's radar.  
  
"Ok, it seems that the Federation ship has passed over us." He looked at his three shipmates. "Just barely."  
  
Duo turned around. "What do you suggest now, Quatre?"  
  
"I have never seen this planet. It would be worthwhile to see if it is inhabited."  
  
"I agree." Trowa said.  
  
Quatre blinked, and then smiled. "Fine, Trowa, you are coming with me. Duo, you and Wufei go together. Keep communications open at all time. If there is any life on this planet, I want to know." He stopped and thought for a minute. "Be careful." He added. "We do NOT need any casualties."  
  
The teams parted ways outside the ship, each pair checking their communicators and weapons before leaving the general vicinity of their ship.   
  
After a while, Duo looked around. "I don't like the feel of this, Fei. Everything is too quiet."  
  
"Agreed." Wufei's dark eyes shone with anticipation. "Hopefully, if we come across life forms, we will have a battle worthy of our skills."  
  
"Man, that is sick. I don't want to fight. Well, at least not right now. I want to just get back to my engine coils." Duo whipped his braid in front of himself.  
  
"Why are you moving so much, Maxwell?" Wufei shot a glance at his companion. "You will alert our enemies too soon."  
  
"Paranoid much?" Duo replied, snippily.  
  
"Suicidal much?" Wufei shot back.  
  
"Nah, just like to have fun." Duo said, and started humming to himself.  
  
Neither could accurately judge how far they had walked, bickering, but Wufei looked up and noticed a vague black shape in front of them. He threw an arm up, and it connected with the human in the stomach.  
  
"Dammit, Chang, that hurt…." Duo yelled.  
  
"Shut up, Maxwell." The half-Klingon warned.   
  
"Wha?" Duo started, but looked in the direction his friend was looking in. "What the hell is that?"  
  
"Shut up." Wufei hissed. "Contact Winner and Trowa. I'm going to have a closer look." He pulled out his phaser, and made sure that the setting was on stun only.  
  
A arm stopped him from proceeding more than a few steps.   
  
"Oh, NO you don't, Chang. You will wait till we contact Quatre and Trowa, and then we will ALL go and check it out."  
  
All he got was a growl for a response, but Wufei stayed where he was.  
  
"We don't know the hostile situation. So, you stay here with me, you big jerk." Duo grimaced, and pushed his communicator. "Q, come in, Q. This is Duo and Hot Shot Fei, paging the Q-monster."  
  
A very weary voice came over the connection. "Yes, Duo? And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Captain Winner?"  
  
"Never gonna happen, unless it's ABSOLUTELY necessary. Now, the reason I called."  
  
Quatre audibly sighed. "That would be nice."  
  
"Ha ha. Anyway, Fei and I found something. It looks like an old ship, but I'm not sure what race. I'm not going any closer to get a better idea till you two show up."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
Duo took a look around, and noticed a large tree that would be spotted for several kilometers. "Do you see that large tree to the east?"  
  
"Barely."  
  
"We are about 2 meters east of it."  
  
Trowa's dry voice spoke up. "We will be there in 15 minutes. Stay where you are until then." He cut the connection.  
  
"Like I needed to be reminded?" Duo's face scrunched up into a pout. "Hell, I was the one who stopped you. When are they gonna start giving me some fucking credit?"  
  
"When you stop using ridiculous nicknames." Wufei said.  
  
Duo didn't say anything. He just whipped around and stuck his tongue out.  
  
"Very mature, Maxwell."  
  
"Who said I was mature?" Duo sat down and waited for the other two to come.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trowa, what do you think they could have found?" Quatre asked.  
  
"We do not have sufficient information to speculate."  
  
Quatre bit back his next question, and tentatively reached out to touch the other pair's minds, just in case. He sighed heavily. "Not again. Don't they *ever* get tired of bickering?"  
  
"Passionate discourse is an element in the courtship rituals of many cultures, including Klingon."  
  
Quatre rubbed his head tiredly. "You'd think they would suspend their 'courting' in, oh, I don't know, potentially dangerous situations like this one?"  
  
"That would seem to be the logical course to take."  
  
They were quiet for the rest of the short journey to their comrades. They found Duo sitting at the foot of the tree, visibly sulking, with Wufei standing next to him, eyes fixed on the ship.  
  
"Is that it?" Quatre asked, as Duo got to his feet.  
  
"Yup. That's it," Duo said, as Quatre and Trowa peered towards the derelict. "So... Are we gonna take a look at it?" Duo looked at the others eagerly. "I want to know what I can scrap from it for our ship."  
  
"All right," Quatre said. "Let's go, but be careful."  
  
"Yes, Mother."  
  
"Very funny, Duo."  
  
The four slowly made their way towards the fallen ship. Less than a meter from the nearest bulkhead, Trowa's arm snapped out to block the others.  
  
"This ship seems oddly familiar."   
  
"Familiar?" Duo asked. "Now that you mention it... it looks like abso-friggin-nothing that I've ever seen." Trowa raised an eyebrow at Duo.  
  
"Nevertheless, I find this technology to be reminiscent of some I have seen before."  
  
"Uh huh. Right, then. Okay." Duo clapped his hand on Trowa's shoulder. "Tell ya what, if you recognize it, you can lecture us all about it. Until then... I'm scrapping it." He whirled away and climbed through the gaping hole in the bulkhead.  
  
Quatre could've sworn he heard a mutter of, "And he yells at ME about going in alone," as Wufei climbed up and dropped into the ship after Duo. He glanced at Trowa, who raised an eyebrow at him, before they trailed the other two. They had to wait for their eyes to adjust to the sudden plunge into darkness.  
  
Their teammates' voices rang through the ship. "SUGOI!" Duo, definitely thrilled. "There's someone here! LOOK!"  
  
"Don't touch him, Maxwell!" Wufei, definitely NOT thrilled. Quatre and Trowa hightailed it to the next room, where the others stood. Duo and Wufei were facing off, yet AGAIN.  
  
"Chill out, Wu-chan!" Duo snapped, pointing wildly at one wall. "Repeat after me, sta-sis-cham-ber. Coz THAT'S what the guy's in, and THAT'S where he'll stay unless and until I find the button that OPENS the damn thing."  
  
"Duo, have you considered the possibility that the alien may be better off within the chamber?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Whatcha mean?" Duo peered into the chamber's glass casing. "He looks fine to me." He took an arm and wiped the dust and cobwebs off. "WHOA! Ohshitohshitohshit!" Duo tried to back away, and ended up falling on his rear.   
  
Quatre ran over to look inside with Duo. "Dear me."  
  
Wufei growled. "What is it?"  
  
Trowa looked inside, taking Duo's former place. "The being inside appears to be a Borg." He stepped back.  
  
Quatre gasped, horrified. Duo turned around, a look of terror pasted all over his face. Wufei readied himself for a battle.  
  
Trowa continued. "Although the technology with which its body has been augmented, is far more primitive and less pervasive than that of any other specimen I have encountered."  
  
Duo gave a questioning look. "And that means WHAT exactly? That it's an old model?"  
  
"In essence, yes."  
  
Wufei set his phaser to the highest setting. "Trowa, move," he growled menacingly.  
  
Quatre stepped in front of Wufei. "No. We don't have any idea of the situation. We can't just kill him yet."  
  
Wufei glared at his captain. "Yes we do. It is a Borg, we can either kill it or be assimilated. I would rather forgo the second option."  
  
Quatre glared back at his chief of security. "Do I have to make that an order, Chang?"  
  
Wufei growled, openly hostile, at Quatre. "Do I have to attack a superior officer, Winner? MOVE, before it wakes up."  
  
Duo looked at his friends, who were both tense and very serious. "Do you really think he's gonna wake up after God-only-knows how many centuries?"  
  
"Approximately five." Trowa informed him.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Know-It-All." Duo shot back.  
  
"You are welcome." Trowa deadpanned.  
  
"That was sarcasm, Tro."  
  
Wufei glared at the human. "I don't care how many centuries it has been sitting here. It is a security risk."  
  
Quatre gave his half-Klingon security officer a glare that would have stopped the blood in anyone. "We don't even KNOW that yet. It's IN STASIS. It's BEEN in stasis for centuries, probably since before the ship crashed. Who knows if it can even survive outside the chamber anymore? It's no threat. I will NOT condone murder!"  
  
Quatre's outburst was followed by a long and tense silence. Duo watched as the captain and security officer glared daggers at one another.   
  
Suddenly, Quatre sighed, his eyes softening. "Where is the honor in pulling the plug, Wufei?" He said, sadly.  
  
Wufei froze, appalled at the statement. He growled and walked away, muscles visibly tense while he set his phaser back to the original stun position, all the time cursing under his breath in Klingon.   
  
"Hey! I resent that last comment, Fei-kun! What did I ever do to you?" Duo said in English, shocked.  
  
Wufei replied, snidely, in Klingon.   
  
Duo glared at Wufei. "You'll be getting PLENTY of the temper -- and NONE of the nga'chug -- for that little comment. And don't think I'm not wise to your idea of seduction, you filthy horn dog. If I see it, I'll cut it off, kapish?"  
  
"GENTLEMEN", Quatre snapped. "And Duo."  
  
"HEY!" Duo yelled.  
  
"Do you still want to salvage anything?" he asked sweetly.  
  
"Yes." Duo stomped away, muttering under his breath something that sounded suspiciously like, "What is this, Pick On The Human Day?"  
  
"If the armor fits…" Wufei said.  
  
Duo just glared at Wufei, and went to check out the rest of the ship. He came upon a huge pile of debris. "This looks promising," he said under his breath, moving pieces of metal and broken cords out of the way.  
  
Something above him creaked menacingly, and Duo froze. Abruptly, a large chunk of ceiling buckled and fell, nearly hitting Quatre.  
  
"That was close," Quatre said, trying to mask the anxiety in his voice.  
  
Trowa came over to Quatre, and gave him a quick once over, checking for injuries. "You appear to be unharmed, Captain, but I wish to ascertain that upon our return to the Gundam."  
  
"Thank you, Trowa."   
  
Wufei moved to examine the fallen rubbish. He noticed a faint flashing. He moved the largest piece out of the way, and that's when he saw the telltale sign of the revival sequence beginning.   
  
Duo came over, and noticed the sequence. "Oh SHIT!"  
  
"What?" Quatre asked, coming over to join the others.  
  
Wufei pulled out his phaser. "Captain, we're about to see the honor in killing off a drone AFTER it wakes!"  
  
Quatre instinctively whirled to face Wufei, eyes skittering past him to the glowing readout. The cycle was nearly complete. "RETREAT!" he yelled, pushing Trowa towards the exit. Wufei reacted instantly, on his feet and pulling Duo with him before Trowa reached the open door. Quatre paused for an instant, seeing the readout flashing at the end of the revival sequence, and bolted after his crew. He heard the unmistakable sound of the stasis chamber falling open as he kicked the door shut behind him and ran for his life.  
  
TBC… 


	2. One of Five

Title: Star Trek: Gundam

Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@aol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@yahoo.com)

Pairings: 3x4, 5+2, eventual 1x2x5

Rating: PG-13

Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^   
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat.  That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.

A/N:  Mako: So many good reviews for the last chapter. *purrs* Never would I have thought that we would have gotten so many lovely reviews, Jo.  Jo: It must be my genius.  *preens*  j/k  Mako: And here I thought it was my wonderful sense of humor. Well, onto the new episode.

Last time, on Star Trek: Gundam -- while hiding on a Neutral Zone planet from Federation authorities, the crew of the Gundam discover the wreckage of an ancient spacecraft.  Inside, they find a single working stasis chamber, and accidentally revive its still-living occupant: a five-century-old Borg drone. 

The four crew members of the Gundam ran, hell-bent on making it back to their ship, to escape the awakening Borg drone.

Duo glanced back.  "Shiiit..." he panted.  "It's gotten out!  It's following us!"

"Shut up and run," Quatre gasped, flicking a stern look over his shoulder.  His foot, in that split second, caught on a tree root, and Quatre fell to the ground.

Duo tried to skid to a stop, but fell over Quatre with a curse. "Dammit, Q, you couldn't have fallen somewhere else?"

Trowa and Wufei quickly yanked the two to their feet, Wufei cursing eloquently.

"The Borg is nearly upon us, Captain," Trowa said.

"Up on the rocks," Wufei growled, bodily shoving Duo towards a large boulder as he spoke.  "NOW!".

Duo gave the Klingon a surly look, rubbing his rear as he did so, as soon as he was righted. "You couldn't have been more gentle, could you?"

"No, now shut up!" Wufei pulled out his phaser, watching as Trowa bodily moved their captain beside Duo. He and Trowa waited to get a good shot at the drone, hearing Duo and Quatre shift to line up their own shots behind them. They watched in horror as the cyborg took four shots, staggered a bit, and fell to the ground. 

All four exchanged looks. Then, Duo peeked over the boulder he was behind. "Well, guys, he's out cold." He hopped on top of the rock. "I wanna get a better look at him."

"MAXWELL!" Wufei was close behind the braided human. "Are you INSANE? No, wait, dumb question.  You're the one heading *towards* the live Borg drone." Wufei stopped, as Trowa moved his way over towards the drone, his phaser pointed at the fallen cyborg, with a curious gleam in his eyes.

Wufei growled. "Why do I bother?"

"Because it is your job to protect us. That's why," Quatre said, coming to stand next to the security officer. 

"Fascinating.  This drone is lacking a number of the components basic to its modern counterparts, including nanoprobe injectors," Trowa said, his phaser dropping a little, as he continued his preliminary examination. 

"Huh?" Duo asked. "Is this back to the "It's an old model" thing again?"

"I do not believe so."  Trowa knelt and lifted the drone's right hand, pointing out the metal parts.  "These bear no resemblance to modern functional implants common among the Borg.  In fact, I would speculate that they are, for lack of a better term, ports, as are the rest of this unit's implants."

"Wait a moment, Trowa. Ports? As in 20th century Earth electrical ports? That's a little hard to swallow," Quatre said. 

"Wait, so he is like a living ancient COMPUTER?" Duo's mouth was hanging open. "Aw man, if that wasn't twisted, it would be so cool."

"Not precisely, Duo. It is as if this unit…" Trowa was cut off, as a hand grabbed his leg. 

"Return this unit to the maturation chamber," the drone said. 

Duo gave a long look over the naked cyborg. "Well, I don't know what he is talking about. He looks plenty mature to ME!" 

Wufei gave a low growl.  Duo looked at his friend. "What?" 

The half-Klingon turned his head for a moment.

"Fascinating.  This drone's interment in the Borg maturation chamber just may have saved its life, as the unit seems to have acted as a stasis chamber prior to our arrival," Trowa said, continuing to examine the drone.

"Return this unit to the maturation chamber."

"This also supports my theory that this drone is not a completed unit.  It is unlikely that it is part of the Collective."

Quatre moved to stand next to the doctor. "As fascinating as all this sounds, can we continue it somewhere else. I would rather not be standing out here with an incomplete Borg, on a little unknown planet."

"Return this unit to the maturation chamber!" The drone was obviously becoming quite agitated.

"Hey, Tro, um, what the hell are we gonna do with this thing?" Duo asked, noting the annoyance of the cyborg.

"I said we leave it. It's a security risk," Wufei said.

"No," Quatre said. "We can't do that. It's morally wrong. This drone is a living being. I will not let it stay here and die."

Trowa looked the Borg directly in the eyes. "Are you part of the Collective, drone?"

The drone stopped for a moment. "No."

Trowa glanced at Wufei. "I see no security risk if he is not part of the Collective. Therefore, I must agree with the captain. We have a moral obligation to preserve its life."

Duo looked the drone over, and then at his friends. "Um, guys, it's NOT an IT. It's a HIM!" He leaned closer to the drone. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Name?"

"Yeah.  What you're called?  The syllables that distinguish you from all the other drones."

"My designation is One of Five, of Binary Unimatrix One-Three-Six-Nine," the drone replied.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Too much. One of Five, huh?" Duo took an even closer look that drew an rather loud and menacing growl from Wufei. "Well, you look Japanese to me. Earthling before all this, I'd guess. So, how about we call you Heero? You approve?"

"I am One of Five, of Binary Unimatrix One-Three-Six-Nine."

"'Heero' is an old Japanese name. It means One of Five." Duo looked around at the others, who were wearing looks that said they didn't *quite* believe him. "Well, sort of."

"I am One of Five, of Binary Unimatrix One-Three-Six-Nine! Return this unit to the maturation pod!"

Wufei stepped up, until he was face to face with the drone. "We *can't* return you to your taHqeq pod." He growled. "By the way, it is *useless* to fight with Duo over names. You're Heero now."

Trowa picked up one of  'Heero's' wrists. Heero tried to pull away. "I am only checking your pulse." He timed it. "It seems adequate, but I am concerned over the temperature of his skin. I suggest we take him back to the Gundam, so that I might make a more thorough examination."

"Fine. We should also head back to the fallen ship to start the salvaging process. I want to leave this planet as soon as is prudent," Wufei said. "Come, Maxwell."

"What am I? Some kind of dog?" Duo said.

"No, you aren't. You are the one who was looking forward to scraping the ship in the first place. Let's go."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Quatre said, trying to stop a fight from starting. "Trowa, I will come with you and 'Heero.' Remember to keep the lines open in case anything else happens."

Duo snickered. "Yes, MOM. We promise to be good boys." He started back towards the Borg ship, Wufei in tow. "So, what do you suggest we do first, Fei? Look at the engine, or see if there's anything we can carry in our arms?"

"Honor dictates that we look for more survivors," Wufei growled.

"You want to find *more* of them?" Duo threw an unbelieving look at Wufei. "Isn't the one we found enough?"

"It's more than enough, but if we cannot abandon it, we cannot abandon any others there may be."

"Yeah, yeah, and like we have room for the one we *do* have. Where the hell is Heero gonna sleep?" Duo sighed. "Do you really think that there are more alive in that thing?"

"I hope not."  Wufei climbed into the ship.  "And I don't know.  Trowa will tell us if he's capable of sleep."

"Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought about that. He's a cyborg." Duo chuckled to himself, climbing in after Wufei. He took a look around and saw the open stasis chamber, five feet away from where he was currently standing. "It doesn't look like there are any more that are even usable." He walked over to a chamber, whose glass had been destroyed. "Oh, gross. Well, this one isn't tagging along." 

"There are more chambers back here, Maxwell." 

Duo met up with Wufei to find a room with at least thirty more pods. "This is gonna be a long night. I can feel it."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quatre and Trowa helped the nude drone board the Gundam. 

"Let us take him directly to sickbay. I would like to begin the examination as soon as possible," Trowa said, leading the trio in that direction.

"Ok. Who knew that an immature Borg could weigh so much?" Quatre groused, as they set 'Heero' down on the table. "Is there anything that you need?"

"I have adequate supplies, thank you," Trowa replied, turning on the biobed, and picking up a medical tricorder to begin. "He seems to be of good health, relatively speaking. I am picking up no abnormal readings." He took out a pad and started recording his findings. "Biologically, Heero is fully mature...  He appears to be between the ages of fifteen to eighteen. His maturation pod probably finished its cycle and switched over to hold him in stasis until he could be removed and outfitted with Borg machinery. Unfortunately, his digestive tract has atrophied, and he will need long-term treatment before he can eat solid foods.  

"His bone structure and muscle tone are remarkably strong and healthy, despite the fact that he has probably never used them.  His implants are minimal, fortunately, so very few will need to be removed for him to survive outside a Borg ship environment.

"His epidermis can be easily irritated, as are his eyes.  Long-term treatment with a dermal regenerator will be necessary.  He will be unable to wear much clothing at this point, nor will he be capable of wearing it for extended periods of time."

"In other words?" Quatre asked.

"Heero is in excellent health for a drone, but several of his implants will need to be surgically removed, and he will require long-term medical treatments.  He is unable to eat, strong light will hurt his eyes, and fabric will cause painful skin rashes."

"O-kay. So, what do you suggest about the clothing? We can *not* have him running around this ship naked. How long will it be before his skin irritation calms down?"

"Months, at best.  As to the wisdom of allowing him access to most parts of the ship while unclothed, I concur with your assessment.  He will require shorts, at the least, to avoid irreparable injury."

"To whom?" Quatre muttered. He shook his head and spoke louder this time. "Fine, for the time being, I will suppose that he will be staying here in sickbay?"

"It would be advisable." He walked over to the replicator, and it produced a pair of spandex shorts. He saw Quatre's quizzical expression. "This material was found to be useful in dermal treatments during the 22nd century." He handed the black shorts to Heero, and then contacted Wufei and Duo. "Chang?"

"Yes, Trowa?"

"I believe we will require a Borg regeneration alcove."

"Huh?" Duo asked.

"The machine that Borg drones use instead of sleeping.  The scans indicate that Heero is not yet capable of putting himself in that state."

"O~kay, and do you have any idea what this regeneration alcove looks like? There's a *bunch* of stuff just lying around here, Tro."

"It is a wall unit, with two steps leading up to a platform for standing, and a circular sheet of transparent aluminum set vertically into the back one-point-five meters above the platform.  It would perhaps be easiest to recognize one with a drone corpse remaining in it.  Approximately thirty-three percent of the functional drones aboard this vessel should have been in alcoves."

"So you mean, we found on of the ones that *wasn't* in bed? Lucky, ne? Anyway. Hey, 'Fei, doesn't that thing right there look like that alcove thingy Trowa is talking about?"

"Yes," Wufei said.

"Trowa, are you NUTS? That thing must weigh at *least* 1000kg. No way we are going to get it back on our own. Even if Wufei is all strong."

"We only require the coordinates, Duo," Trowa said patiently.  "We will use the cargo transporter."

"Oh," Duo said, obviously embarrassed. "I knew that." There was a pause, and then Duo's voice could be heard again. "Just beam it up. I stuck my communicator on it."

Quatre spoke up. "Wufei, when do you think the both of you will return?"

"It is all dependent upon Duo's need to salvage," Wufei responded.

"There's not a lot here I can use, Q-man. Most of it is too ancient and rusted. I think it will only take me a few hours to determine whether or not I can use what isn't garbage."

"Alright. Contact us if anything happens."

"No prob, boss. Come on, 'Fei, let's go through this crap, so we can get back." The connection died.

Quatre sighed, wearily. "Well, that means we have few hours of peace. I'll go beam up the alcove, and then we can put Heero here to bed."

Trowa and Quatre had just gotten the alcove installed, and Heero inside of it when Duo and Wufei returned. 

"Hiya, guys. I managed to find some cool computer parts, and a sweet…" He stopped when he saw Heero in nothing but black spandex shorts. 

"We have returned with…" Wufei stopped, seeing both the drone in the chamber, and the human standing before it, all but drooling.

"Duo? Wufei? What were you saying?" Quatre asked politely, hiding the smile that had crossed his face.

Duo shook his head. "Sorry. Um, oh *yeah*. I found these cool computer parts, and a sweet replacement part for one of our Jeffries tubes." He held up the objects in his arms.

"We have returned with some things that Duo felt were acceptable." Wufei snorted. "One of the few things you take pleasure in, Maxwell, is illegal in most parts of the galaxy."

"Bah! Rules were meant to be broken." A twinkle appeared in the humans violet-blue eyes. "If you need me, I'm going to be down with my engines. See ya!" He vanished.

"Well, now that everyone is here, I assume it is safe to take off?" Quatre asked.

"Local space is clear of Federation ships, Captain," Wufei said. "Now can we get off this nga'chug planet?"

"Yes, let's go."

Next time on Star Trek: Gundam - When they decided to attack the Gundam, this rabble of space pirates didn't count on the fact that it was now a Borg vessel.  Will this be a chance for Heero to prove his worth to the rest of the crew?


	3. Invasion Attempt

Title: Star Trek: Gundam Episode 2

Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@aol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@yahoo.com)

Pairings: 3x4, 5+2, eventual 1x2x5

Rating: PG-13

Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^   
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat.  That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.

Symbols: _blah – _either foreign (Klingon) or off-screen speech

*blah* - emphasized word

*~*~*~* - Change of scene

*~~~~~* - Dream sequence

*~~~~~~~*

There were two sets of hands on him. /Two?/ He paid no mind. Currently, a pair of violet eyes were staring at him from above, clouded over with lust. He was about to speak, when his mouth was devoured by the owner of those eyes. Moaning, he reached up and tried to press the vision in his arms, but was soon trying to bite back a scream as his arousal was engulfed into a warm, wet, and demanding mouth. 

He was ever confused, because his mouth was still being attacked by the boy in his arms, and yet, there was someone else trying to suck his very soul out from his cock. He moved one hand from Duo to the person below, catching it on a baldhead./Strange. No hair? I have never dreamt of Deltans, despite the pheromones they give off. / He looked down, confusedly, into blue eyes, and gasped. His hips bucked as he felt himself go over the edge, spilling his warm seed everywhere.

*~~~~~~~~*

Wufei sat straight up from his dream as a warmth spread from his lower body. Looking down, he realized what happened. /Damn! I get no peace, even in my sleep./ The dream came back to him in flashes. /Duo… kissing me. And the other person, the hairless one... who the _toDSaH(1)_ do I know without--?  *No*.  Not--!/  Wufei shot a glare at his sleeping crewmate. 

 /The drone's presence is *his* fault./  Duo rolled over, moaning softly in his sleep, and Wufei caught the scent of human arousal mixing with his own.  He started to growl.  /*That* is his fault, too./  He rolled out of bed, stifling his growling before he could wake the human, and stepped into the sonic shower.  /It.  Was.  Random.  Probably a Deltan.  *not* the _petaQ(2) _*drone*!/ When he was finished with his shower, Duo was awake as well.

The braided boy looked up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Time is it, 'Fei?"

"Time to work."

Duo blinked a few times, still not awake. "Nah, can't be. It's still dark outside." He pointed to the small window.

Wufei refused to dignify that with a response. He left the still half-asleep human in their quarters, and went to see if the others were awake. He glared at the creature, the *threat* that his alien crewmates refused to eliminate, and clenched his fists in impotent rage.  The Borg didn't even have the decency to wake under the weight of Wufei's anger.  How was he supposed to honorably fight someone who refused to wake for it?

He spun on his heel, growling, and stormed out of the cargo bay, away from the unbreathing, undead, dishonorable _kleon(3)_. He passed through the sickbay, ignoring Trowa's placid half-hidden gaze, through the common room, and into the cockpit -- somewhat optimistically called the bridge -- where he found _HoD(4)_ Winner piloting the ship.

"Good morning, Wufei," the blond said, deceptively, sickeningly cheerful as he was most days.  "Did you sleep well?"

Wufei growled and replied in a particularly harsh dialect of Klingon that he personally kept wiping from the Universal Translator's memory banks.  It was good for occasions such as this.  /Good morning, Captain.  I slept as well as can be expected with a spying, lying, homicidal alien computer-beast on board./

"I'll take that as a 'no', then, and might I add that it's *really* annoying when you do that?"

Wufei raised an eyebrow, and slid into his seat behind the weapons console, automatically glancing up warily as the doors next to him opened.

"Dammit, who set the alarm for 03:00 hours?"  Duo glared at Wufei, knowing perfectly well the half-Klingon was the only person who would reset his alarm.  "I was looking forward to more than four hours of sleep after yesterday's excitement."  He made a show of checking the time on the nearest console.  "Or today's.  Whatever."

"A true warrior does not shirk his duties for mere *sleep*," Wufei said haughtily.

"I'm an *engineer*, not a warrior, *and* I'm not even Klingon, so don't hold me to your species' abilities." 

"Weakling."

Duo shook his head, refusing to take the bait.  "Wuffers, you should know better than to piss off the guy who works the ship's environmental controls.  I can easily reset the temperature in here to "arctic", if you'd like."

Wufei snarled and slipped back into Klingon, telling Duo *exactly* what he could do with the environmental controls.  Duo laughed.

"And on that note, I'm going to go check on my babies.  Keep warm, Wuffers!"

Quatre shook his head as the braided boy left.  "Is it just me, or is it odd when he calls the engines 'his babies'?"

"It's normal for engineering geniuses," Wufei replied.  "Perhaps the *only* normal thing Maxwell *does*."

"What makes you say that?" Quatre asked, bristling.

"Can you think of *one* aspect of human behavior that he *does* do the way the rest of his species does?"

Quatre thought for a moment.  "..... Well, he eats from a replicator."

"Ferenginar sushi, _gagh(5)_ pizza, and Denebian devil-burgers are NOT included in human replicator menus.  And you are aware that he has to get an inoculation from Trowa before consuming that Vulcan coffee he likes?"

"No, I wasn't aware of that." Quatre rubbed at his temples, trying to stave off the headache he knew was coming. "Ok, so Duo's a bit… odd. Even for a human. He's the best engineer I know."

"I never said he wasn't.  In fact, I clearly recall saying that his attitude towards his engines is normal for an engineering genius."

Quatre sighed, and quickly changed the conversation. "So, Wufei, are you picking anything up on your end?"

"Nothing," Wufei said.  He didn't bother to add that, considering they were entering Romulan space, it was unlikely they'd pick up anything but the few ships that didn't travel here under cloak -- the official patrol vessels. Quatre was well aware of the difficulty of picking up a cloaked ship on scanners.

"Great," the blond responded sarcastically.  He looked at his own console, concentrating on piloting the small ship, and the conversation in the bridge died, with only the occasional comment about the direction they were headed in.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo sauntered into engineering, setting the Borg gear he had just picked up from cargo on the console next to him.  "Hullo, Solo," he sighed.  "I'm having the best -- or the worst -- day of my life, and it's not actually time to start it yet." He glanced at the softly pulsing warp core, and smiled wryly.

"We rescued this guy yesterday -- well, he's a drone, yanno, Borg, but he's not connected to the rest of them, so he's okay.  Tro thinks he's an old model.  I named him Heero.  A bit silly of me, ne?  But I just *can't* call him One of Five.  He's a person; he deserves a name.  And don't glow at me like that, it's *not* just because he's cute!"  Duo glared at the core, then picked up one of the Borg devices and started to examine it.

"Damn, Solo, you should see him.  He's all pale and hairless, but he's got the most incredible blue eyes.  Won't go into details about his bod, if he comes in here you can see for yourself -- those damn shorts Tro's got him wearing are actually more revealing than leaving him butt-naked -- and I am going to have a *hell* of a time keeping everyone from noticing that I'M noticing!  Between Heero in those shorts and Wufei's usual pseudo-Klingon leathers... maybe I should just start wearing my tool belt all the time."

He sat down in his chair, put his feet up on the console, and tinkered with bits of the Borg salvage, keeping up a running commentary on ship life, Trowa and Quatre -- "Tro's practically orgasmic over the medical shit he's going to get to do to Heero.  Well, orgasmic in that cool, reserved, living calculator sorta way Vulcans have.  I'd have to hack into the computer logs for their room to see if that's *really* how Tro is when... yeah.  You're right.  Q *would* kick my ass if I tried." -- and anything else that popped into his head.

After about half an hour, he set the Borg salvage -- now a working scanning device and a half-built datapad -- aside.  "Well, Solo, time for Father and Helen's daily checkups.  Keep an eye on things here, wouldja?" 

The warp core seemed to pulse in agreement, and Duo disappeared inside the Jeffries tubes to start the daily maintenance. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Captain!  There is a ship decloaking off our port side!" Wufei said.  "It appears to be a Battle Cruiser, reading Romulan engines and no ID."

"Go to alert, shields up, open hailing frequen--" A shot rattled the ship, cutting Quatre's words off.  "Or not.  Return fire!" 

Their phasers, more powerful than they should have been for a ship their size, lashed out, making the cruiser's shields flash green.

"Evasive maneuvers!" Quatre called out, even as Wufei rolled the ship hard to port.  A second enemy shot hit, but the third missed.  They scored two more hits of their own before the far larger cruiser was able to get its bulk out of the way.

Trowa's voice rose over the noise of the firefight.  "Captain, power drain on the shields, source unknown!"

Quatre slapped his hand down on the comm.  "Duo, what the hell is going on down there!  We're losing shields!"

_"Tracing it now, Q-ball, keep your pants on -- Fuck!  It's the alcove!"_

"What?"

_"Heero's managed to tap into the shields for that damn alcove. What the fuck is he using all that power for?"_

"We don't have time to figure it out!  Get the power from anywhere you can, *except* weapons!"

_"I'm trying, but all systems are kinda wonky right now!"_

"Are *what*?"

_"I'm doing what I can!"_

"Captain, shields are down!"

"Activate quarantine fields!"

Trowa keyed in a quick sequence on his console, and throughout the ship, forcefields fell into place, isolating the bridge from the living quarters, engineering from the cargo bay, the cargo bay from sickbay... every doorway in the ship was now covered with a forcefield, and the access codes were locked to the voiceprints, gene sequences, and chosen command codes of the four crew.

Wufei opened a weapons locker and passed out the contents -- top-of-the-line phaser rifles, and backup Klingon disruptors -- without needing an order.

_"Hey, Q, I got the power drain stopped. Someone what to tell me what the *hell* is going on up there?"_

Trowa looked up from his console, pitching his voice loud enough for Duo to hear over the comm.  "Eight beaming aboard, Captain.  Location: crew quarters."

"Everyone get ready for a firefight! That means you too, Duo!" Quatre said.

_"Gotcha, Q-bean!"_

"Captain, shields are on-line once more.  The boarding party will be receiving no reinforcements."

"Eight against four, then.  Duo, what's your ETA?"

_"Gimme three minutes, and I'll be on the far side of crew quarters.  'Kay?"_

"Fine." 

From the other side of the bridge door, they heard a _zap!_, and muffled curses in Romulan.

"Looks like they found the forcefields," Quatre said, smiling sweetly.

"And burned their dirty _romuluSngan(6)_ fingers," Wufei added, with a wicked smirk.  The crew of the Gundam knew better than to touch Duo's 'jazzed-up' forcefields.  The Romulans... did not.

That was when the lights went out.

The comm system crackled to life.  "_We are the Borg_," twenty, thirty, voices chorused.

_"The fuck you say?" _Duo yelled.

"Cowardly, spying _petaQ_!" Wufei cursed.

"_Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own_," they continued.  Romulans began screaming behind the door.  "_Resistance—_"

"Wait, that's just one voice!" Quatre gasped.

_"-- is futile_."

"Captain, recommend rendering assistance to Heero," Trowa said.

"Agreed. Weapons ready." Quatre's hand hovered over the doorpad, as Wufei and Trowa lined up sights on the door.  "Duo, you in position?"

"_Duh! What's keeping you guys?_"

Quatre set his hand on the keypad.  "Computer, on my mark, drop forcefield and open door 1-1, bridge-to-crew quarters, and door 1-4, crew quarters-to-sickbay, authorization Raberba-four-zero-delta.  Acknowledge."

_Voiceprint identification, Captain Quatre Winner, acknowledged.  Gene scan identification, Captain Quatre Winner, acknowledged.  Command code, Captain Quatre Winner, acknowledged.  Authorized._

"Three.  Two.  One.  *Mark*!"

The doors opened, even as the forcefield shimmered blue-violet and dropped, revealing the eight Romulans hiding behind a large table they'd knocked over... their flanks completely exposed as they fired on a lone figure on the far side of the room, near the hatch to the cargo bay.  The three on the bridge opened fire, and between them and Duo at the sickbay door, they took out half the Romulans on the first shot.  In the second while the remaining intruders tried to adjust to the changed situation, the four crew fired again, felling the rest. 

They trained their weapons on the single figure still standing, the 'Borg'.

"Show yourself!" Duo yelled.

Heero stepped from the shadows, hands held up next to his shoulders.  Two thin rods jutted up from the back of his right hand, reaching past the top of his head.

"Tro, I thought you said he *didn't* have nano-injectors?"

"He does not."

Heero reached over and calmly pulled the 'injectors' from his hand, revealing them to be slim bits of salvaged metal.  A bit of blood shone wetly on the bottom tips. Duo cringed. 

"Ew, that's just gross." He looked over the drone. "Any injuries?" Heero gave him a puzzled look.

"This unit is nonessential to the Gundam collective."

"We are *not* a _taHqeq(7)_--MMFF!"

Quatre smiled calmly from where he had his hand firmly clamped over Wufei's mouth.  "The Gundam *crew* is a very small one, Heero.  Every member, including you, is essential."  Heero blinked.  "So please answer Duo's question, and go with Trowa to have your wounds treated."

"This unit--"

"The word is 'I', Heero."

"... I ... am burnt on the shoulder, the underlying circuitry is in need of repair, and there are two lacerations on the right hand."  Heero paused.  "And I was unable to complete the regeneration cycle." Trowa came over to him.

"Come with me to sickbay. I will repair your injuries." Heero nodded, and followed the doctor out of the room.

"Damn! Look at this room. These idiots," Duo motioned towards the fallen intruders. "Are *so* gonna pay for this."****

"That will be simple to accomplish, Maxwell," Wufei said.  "We will have to tie them up to prevent them from causing more trouble when they wake, and the only space large enough to accommodate eight useless pirates is the cargo bay." Duo snickered.

"They will have a perfect view of Heero's chamber then." He started laughing out loud. "We can just conveniently forget to tell 'em we aren't all Borgs…" Wufei smirked in agreement.

"Come on. Let's get this over with. We still have a delivery to make, and this has just set us back a few hours, not to mention our discovery of Heero yesterday. If we're lucky we can get there on time if we travel at warp 6," Quatre said, rubbing his temples.

"Aye, aye, Captain!" Duo gave a mock salute.

"We'll handle this vermin, Captain.  You go pilot the ship." The blond shot a look at the human, still saluting, and then turned to the Klingon.

"Thank you, Wufei, Duo. Come see me when you are finished." He turned on his heels, returning to the bridge.

The half-Klingon and the human dragged the Romulans into the cargo bay, none too gently, and tied them securely to a pipe running the length of one wall, along the floor.  They made sure to gag them as well, since the sound of their yelling would carry to the crew quarters above.  Then, they climbed back up to the common room, and Duo looked around at the charred walls and ruined furniture.

"I *hate* boarding parties," he grumbled, as Wufei turned towards the sickbay instead of the bridge.  "Hey!  Where are you going?"

"To get some answers," he growled. Duo followed, close on his heels.

"What kind of answers, 'Fei?"

"*You*!" Wufei shouted as he stormed into Sickbay, barreling down on Heero.  "Who is your _pIn'a'(8), tokhe straav(9)_?  What orders are you under?  HOW DID YOU SABOTAGE THE SHIELDS?"

"This u... I did nothing.  The alcove should not be tied into the shields at all.  I will examine it." Trowa looked at the raging weapons specialist, and the human at the door.

"He will deal with it when I release him. Now, if you will excuse us." The Vulcan moved them politely out of the sickbay.

"Yeah, c'mon Wu, the Captain wanted to see us, remember?  And we've got flying to do and an appointment to keep!"

"I know that, Maxwell.  Get *off* of me!"

Duo's laughter rang through the ship.

On the next episode of Star Trek: Gundam -- The Gundam arrives in port, where rumor has it that the ship has been assimilated!  In a sector where the rule is "shoot first, and loot the bodies later", and the Borg are less welcome than a shipment of hungry Denebian slime-devils, how is the crew to cope?

Klingon Dictionary: 

(1) toDSaH – curse word

(2) petaQ – curse word

(3) kleon – enemy/opponent, which are the same thing to Klingons

(4) HoD – Captain

(5) Gagh – Klingon dish, best served live

(6) RomuluSngan – Romulan

(7) TaHqeq – curse word

(8) Pln'a' – master

(9) Tokhe straav – willing slave


	4. MINE!

Title: Star Trek – Gundam Episode 4

Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@aol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@yahoo.com)

Pairings: 3x4, 5+2+5, eventual 1x2x5

Rating: R

Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU, lime

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^   
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat.  That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.

A/N: Mako: We would like to apologize for the *huge* delay in this chapter. One of us started school, and another one of us has had some trouble with *vile* muses. Now there are four, instead of the original three muses, adding input on this fic, so we hope you enjoy.

Symbols: _blah – _either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech

*blah* - emphasized word

*~*~*~* - Change of scene

Despite the new addition, the crew of the Gundam stuck to their standard plan when they reached and entered the A'sol nebula, in the outer reaches of the Romulan Empire. Trowa took the helm and piloted the ship through the long, harrowing entry run: eighteen full hours at warp 1, avoiding eddies and whorls of plasma and rarified gases that could tear the ship apart. It was nearly 21:00 when the Gundam broke into a tiny, clear pocket in the nebula. A rogue asteroid belt registered on the scanners, which had been all but useless for most of the trip. Trowa cut the warp engines and stood, switching chairs with Quatre.

"Escort ships registering, _Enarrain_(1)," Quatre murmured, mere seconds after seating himself.

Trowa nodded curtly, still settling a Romulan-style jacket on his shoulders.  "Open hailing frequencies."

"Sir!  They're fi--" The ship rocked under a blast, "--ring."

"Shields up!  Open channel to the escort," Trowa snapped, mimicking a Romulan perfectly.__

_"What the hell're you doing up there, man?!"_  Duo's voice came over the comm.

"Shut up, Duo," Quatre and Trowa chorused.

"Channel open, _Enarrain_," Quatre added.

Trowa stood, a disturbingly un-Vulcan fury etched over his face.  "What is the meaning of this?" he snapped, as Wufei stormed onto the bridge and silently took his place at the weapons console.

The enemy fired once more, a blast that skittered oddly along and off the edge of the shields.

_"Identify yourselves_,_"_ a man sputtered nervously.

"I am Enarrain T'Rowa of the vessel Gu'ndham."  Trowa added a command in Romulan that didn't translate.

"Of what House are you, Enarrain?" the man asked warily.

"Since when does an honest merchant announce his House here, _kllhe _(2)?"

"Sir," the man was audibly cowering now, "we've received reports that the Gu'ndham was assimilated by the Borg--"

"_Veruul _(3)!" Trowa spat.  "You are receiving a visual.  Do I _look_ assimilated?"

"N-no sir."

"Then escort us in," Trowa ordered, sitting down.  More calmly, he added conversationally, "Be thankful we have deigned not to blow you out of the sky.  The gene pool would be better without gullible _fvai_ (4) like you in it."  He cut the channel without allowing the man to reply, and instantly the cold, angry Romulan facade fell away.

"You know, most of the people here in Romulan space feel sorry for us," Quatre remarked, smiling faintly.  "Serving under T'Rowa of the House of Shrenada."

"I tell them the challenge is worthy of a Klingon," Wufei muttered.

Trowa nodded his head calmly, accepting the compliment.

"I tell them he pays well," Duo said from the doorway. "Now, mind telling me what the HELL all that was about?"

"That drone," Wufei growled.  "News of our 'assimilation' has spread."

"You're shittin' me!"

"Indeed, we are not," Trowa said.  "Rumor at the port is that we've been assimilated."

"We should've shot those _ghuy'cha_' (5) pirates out of the sky."

"Duo, take Heero into Sickbay to prepare for landing," Quatre said.

"Isn't Trowa supposed to be giving the orders in Romulan space?" Duo quipped.

"Duo!"

"Sheesh. I'm going," Duo muttered, making his way to the cargo area where Heero's alcove was located. Wufei followed, scowling.  No one protested, since it wasn't his shift for the bridge anyway.

"Paranoid much, 'Fei?" Duo muttered under his breath when he noticed that he had company. "Afraid that Hee-chan is gonna hurt you still?"

He opened the door and walked confidently to the former Borg's alcove, hitting the buttons that would awaken the boy inside. He watched in suppressed humour as the shirtless boy opened his eyes.

"Duo," Heero said, causing Duo's face to break out into a smile.

"You know it, Hee-chan. Q told me to take you to Sickbay, so come along," Duo said in a low voice, but it still carried to his half-Klingon escort. He took the other boy's hand and breezed past the riled Wufei towards the main area of the ship. 

When Duo had Heero seated on the bunk, he pulled out a datapad, and ran a quick med-check. "Ok, Heero, we're in Romulan territory, and they think that Trowa is the captain, so we have to behave like he is in charge. His name is pronounced T'Rowa. Got that?" He looked up to see the ex-Borg nod in agreement. "Great! Another thing, you can't leave the ship without someone else, no matter what. This is important." He finished the scan with a smile on his face. "You're in great condition. Now, last thing, don't go off with someone who isn't part of our crew. If you don't know them, they're a possible threat, so stay with us, 'kay?"

"Hai," Heero said, and Duo turned to go, but was stopped by a hand on his arm. "Duo, I do not... like... this new hair that T'Rowa regenerated."

"Don't worry, Hee-chan. It suits you, gorgeous," Duo said with a wink, and walked out of the Sickbay. As he entered the crew lounge that was situated outside Sickbay, Duo found himself face-to-face with a fuming Wufei.

"Well, hello, 'Fei. 'Sup?" he said happily, trying to irritate his friend.  It worked.  Wufei snarled, and threw himself at Duo.

"OW!" Duo yelped, as Wufei slammed him up against the wall, tapping Duo's chin up and off to the side.  "Wha--?!"

Wufei bit Duo in a soft spot at the juncture of his neck and chin, exposed by the tilt he'd forced Duo's head into.

It registered somewhere in the back of Duo's mind that this was the ritual Klingon 'I love you', and he moaned when he found some breath. Slowly, his hands moved to wrap around Wufei, pressing their bodies closer together. Duo gasped as Wufei bit a little harder, and arched his hips into the other's. "'Fei…" he breathed.

Coming to his senses, Duo pushed violently away from Wufei, panting hard. "What the *hell* was that? Really… You *bastard*! Do you *know* how long I've waited for you to *do* that?" he yelled, still unable to get control of his mutinous body.

He watched Wufei, who seemed to be unable to communicate at the moment, lick his lips, where a few shiny drops of blood were sitting. Duo's hand flew to his neck, brushing stingingly over something wet and sticky.  He drew his fingers away slowly and stared, wide-eyed, at the red liquid there.

Before either could speak, Quatre cut in over the ship's system. "Duo, come to the bridge. Wufei, Heero, meet me in the cargo bay to unload in two minutes."

Glaring, Duo sighed. "We *will* discuss this later, Wufei," he ground out, shoving past Wufei as Quatre emerged from the bridge.  The blond took three steps into the lounge and froze, wide blue eyes flicking between the pair in amazement.

"Duo...?"

Duo paused before Quatre, glaring into the blond's eyes.  "One word, Quatre -- just ONE -- and I'll scramble your quarters' environmental settings." He brushed past the blinking empath, and walked onto the bridge.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quatre's eyes slid to Wufei, as the bridge doors hissed shut behind Duo.  The half-Klingon stalked over to the cargo bay hatch, refusing to look at Quatre.  He flung the hatch upon with a resounding clang, and stormed down.

Quatre sighed, crossed the room, and poked his head into the Sickbay.  

"Heero?  We're going to unload the cargo.  We'd appreciate your assistance."

The former Borg on the examination table nodded, and followed the captain to the cargo bay, where they found Wufei starting the normal unloading procedure. The only problem was that the half-Klingon's face was a permanent scowl, and he was snarling, growling, and (unintentionally) breaking anti-gravitation units as he attached them to cargo containers.  

Quatre set Heero to moving the containers to the transporter platform, taking the transport console for himself.  Heero fell into the routine easily, but Wufei... didn't.

After the fifth distinctive snap, and the fifth broken antigrav, Quatre whirled on Wufei.

"Chang!  Switch with me if you can't cool it and quit breaking those!  Do you *know* how expensive antigravs are?"

He received no response, but switched positions, and the only sounds following it were the moving containers and the stab of angry fingers on the console.  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Trowa stared narrowly as the last customs official made a show of checking the Gundam's transmitted manifest one final time. "Are you quite satisfied?" he asked, politeness forgotten.

"Well, everything seems in order," the man said, scrolling down the datapad in his hands around, eyes sweeping along it rapidly. "You may proceed."

"Thank you," Trowa snapped, cutting the connection, face settling back into his normal mask of passivity. 

"You know, those guys should be punched once in a while. Think they own the whole universe with their little desks and the amount of paperwork you have to fill out," Duo joked.

"Indeed," Trowa agreed placidly.

"Only you could deal with them like that, Tro. You're a damn fine actor when you want to be," Duo said, about to say something else, when he was cut off by a beep. "Uh, _'Enarrain'_, we've got incoming."

Trowa raised an eyebrow.  "'Incoming'?"

"Yup.  Incoming communication."

"Onscreen, then."

"You bet." He hit the button, and no sooner had he done that when a familiar face was spread across the screen. "Why, hello, Ass-end," he said snidely.

The pretty, redheaded alien girl on the screen sighed in resignation.  "Now I know those rumors are bull.  Hello, Duo, T'Rowa."

Trowa inclined his head politely.  "_Enarrain_ Mariemaia."

"I'm sorry, _Enarrain_ T'Rowa," she said.

"So, you heard that shit too?" Duo said. "You know, space pirates aren't as scary as they used to be. No honour, and all that crap 'Fei is always spouting."

_"Is that that crass human, Duo, I hear?"_ another voice called off-screen.

"You got a lot of nerve, Hilde. You're just as human as I am, and more crass," Duo joked.

Another girl, with blue-black hair and blue eyes, moved in front of the screen so that both boys could see the look of avid curiosity spread across her face. "So, what *did* really happen?" 

"Well, to make a long story short, we got attacked by pirates. There was a dose of theatrics on our part, and some major Romulan pirate butt-kicking. You wouldn't even be able to wrap your mind around what *really* happened."

"Try me," Hilde challenged.

"Now is not an appropriate time to talk about these things. We still have business to conduct," Trowa said before Duo could rise to the girl's taunting.

"Yeah, feel free to come and ruffle 'Fei's feathers so I can give you the full story," Duo said, winking suggestively.

Hilde shot a pleading look to the redhead behind her. "Please? You know it'll be fun to see the guys again," she said, almost jumping up and down in excitement.

"Hilde, we have business to conduct as well. Maybe later," Mariemaia said, trying to soothe the bouncing figure in front of her. 

"Fine," Hilde huffed, and then turned to face the screen again. "You better expect us though, Duo. And, by the way, *tell* Wufei we are coming this time. I'm rather attached to my head." 

"I have *no* idea what you are talking about, Hill. I could have *sworn* that I did, but just to be safe, I'll let T'Rowa here be a witness. Talk to you later then," Duo said, smiling.

"Yeah, later." The girls both waved as the connection was cut.

"Well, that was great. Now comes the fun part," Duo said, hitting the ship's comm system. "Q. Wufei. Heero. We're gonna have some company later, so be ready."

_"Company?"_ Quatre asked.

"The Caput's in port, and they want to know *all* about our adventure with the pirates."

_"Qu'vatlh (6) women. Why?"_ Wufei cut in.

"Coz they spent a number of hours half-convinced their bestest buddies in the universe got assimilated?  Gee, I dunno, 'Fei, maybe they just like it when you get all growly at them.  Probably coz it's hot as all hell.  Anyway, just giving you guys a heads-up."

_"Thank you, Duo," _Quatre said, although there was a definite muttering of unflattering Klingon in the background before the communication was cut.

"Lovely mouth that Klingon has," Duo said, walking towards the crew's quarters. Trowa raised one eyebrow at the retreating human.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A few hours later, Trowa made his way to the cargo bay, signaling that it was time to leave for the port's main area. Quatre looked up and nodded. "Wufei. Heero. You two stay here with Duo. We are going to contact the factor (7). We'll be back later," he said, straightening his uniform and following closely behind Trowa. 

Wufei shot a dark look at the ex-Borg before heading back to the main area of the ship, leaving the confused boy standing in the middle of the deserted cargo bay. Without anything to do, Heero returned to the alcove to regenerate.

The half-Klingon stormed his way onto the bridge, looking for Duo, who was there the last time he checked. He found the area deserted, and made his way to the engineering room. It was silent, except for the quiet pulsing of the warp core. Feeling the frustration in him build, Wufei checked the crew lounge, which was empty as well. He looked in Sickbay, which was deserted.

Growling, he made his way to the quarters he shared with the missing human, and found the boy sprawled across his bunk, covers tangled around his half-naked body, strands of hair falling out of the normally neat braid, and the bite mark that he received from Wufei earlier on display as he slept. The Klingon felt his blood heat every pore of his body, and his hormones hit him hard yet again. 

Walking the short distance to Duo's sleeping form, Wufei stood stock-still as he watched over the human. His mind barely registered when the other slowly and languidly stretched and rolled to face him, but the sudden realization that he was growling once more hit him when lashes pulled apart, revealing sleep-hazed violet eyes staring back at him.

"'Fei?" Duo whispered, reaching out an arm to touch what he was sure was a figment of a very *lovely* dream.

Wufei didn't realize he had reached for the other until he saw Duo shoot fully awake and register that he *wasn't* a dream.  Then the fact that he was actually *touching* Duo sunk in, and he pulled Duo up even as he bent down to kiss him, but it wasn't some girly, gentle kiss. It was filled with the months of torture that he had suffered at the human's clothing, teasing, and pheromones. It was hard, demanding, and totally controlling. And Duo was returning it.

Wufei gave no resistance when he was pulled onto Duo's bed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A couple of hours later, Trowa and Quatre returned to find the ship silent.  Quatre blushed deeply the instant he entered the ship, but merely smiled when Trowa cast him a mildly curious glance.

They looked in on Heero, finding the Borg standing in his alcove, eyes open and staring directly forward as if he was a doll.

"Heero?" Quatre asked quietly.  The drone's eyes flicked to him.  "Aren't you bored?"  Blank confusion.  Quatre changed tactics.  "When you have extra time, like you seem to now, why don't you browse the computer?  Read anything that you calculate as relevant to living in non-Borg society."

"Acknowledged," Heero said.  He stepped from his alcove and began tapping at the nearest console.

"You're welcome, Heero." Quatre said, leaving him to it. Quietly, Trowa and Quatre made their way to their own private quarters, intending to get a few hours of rest before their visitors appeared. 

Dictionary - 

(1) Enarrain – Romulan, "Captain"

(2) Kllhe – Romulan, "worm"

(3) Veruul – Romulan, "fool"

(4) Fvai – Romulan, "dog"

(5) Ghuy'cha' – Klingon, curse word

(6) Qu'vatlh – Klingon, curse word

(7) The Factor – At every port, a ship has a main contact with whom they conduct business with, which is called the factor.


	5. Talking with the Caput

Title: Star Trek - Gundam Episode 5  
  
Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@aol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@yahoo.com)  
  
Archive: www.foreverfandom.net, www.wufeiduo.net  
  
Pairings: 3x4, 5+2+5, eventual 1x2x5  
  
Rating: R  
  
Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
  
Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU, lime  
  
Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^ Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.  
  
A/N: Mako: No more harassing me! If we have a chapter, you will know. *cries* Every time we write a new chapter, I get bombarded with nice, and not-so-nice, 'requests' for the next chapter! Jo, MAKE IT STOP! Jo: Me?! I have no control over these people! ....... but I suppose I could help. Feel free to direct your demands to JWPname@aol.com, since it's mostly my schedule that dictates when the chapters get done. Mako: Hai! Mako works all the time on her ficcies! No need to berate me with long and winded rants about how we don't update... Not that the sentiment isn't appreciated. ^_^;;;; Thanks for reading!  
  
Symbols: blah – either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech *blah* - emphasized word *~*~*~* - Change of scene ~blah~ - sound effects  
  
~BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!~  
  
Heero's eyes flicked from the console readout to the cargo bay doors. Audio input Source location 79 X 3 Y mark 5.463: Cargo Bay 1 Personnel Airlock Executing database comparison No match Action: none  
  
Heero paused and reevaluated, using the data obtained from observations of the crew. No match Action: evaluate source.  
  
Heero turned away from the console, walked over to the airlock, and entered it. The source had been external, so he opened the outer door. Five humanoids stood outside the airlock, four females and an older, balding male.  
  
The one who stood closest to the door put her arm down and stared, dumbfounded, at the gorgeous, half-naked boy. Her mouth fell open at the sight, and a quick look at the other members of her group showed the ex- Borg that they were sharing her expression. Heero watched them blankly. This was a probable source of the unidentified sounds. "Are you the source of unidentified audio input 345?"  
  
They gaped at him.  
  
"Coming, comin--" Duo's voice cut off abruptly, and then he yelled, "HEERO! What did I tell you about opening the door to strangers?!"  
  
Heero turned to face the approaching human. "Nothing."  
  
Duo blinked. "I didn't? Well... okay, then, don't open the door to people you don't know, unless one of the crew okays them."  
  
"Acknowledged." Heero turned back around and shut the airlock in the faces of the five unknowns.  
  
"GODDAMMIT, DUO MAXWELL! OPEN THIS DOOR!" Hilde screamed a few seconds later. The sound of laughter was followed by the opening of said door and the sight of Duo's braid dangling on the floor, as he was doubled over, cackling madly.  
  
"That was great, 'Ro!" he managed between peals of laughter.  
  
Heero's eyes flicked from him to the newcomers. "These are 'okayed', then?"  
  
"Of course they are. The banshee is Hilde," Duo said, straightening out to look the five visitors in the face.  
  
"I have no data on the species 'Banshee'. Elaborate."  
  
Duo's faced threatened to break out into laughter again, but he fought it down. "Ancient Earth legend from the British Isles. A banshee is female ghost, or spirit, whose voice could kill those that heard it."  
  
Heero didn't blink. "It is inaccurate. All units within range are still functioning."  
  
Duo sighed. "It's a metaphor. Hilde just *sounds* like a banshee, with that screech of hers. She's a human, like me."  
  
Heero attempted to process that as Duo waved the females and male inside and closed the lock behind them.  
  
"Okay, Duo, who's prettybot here and where the heck did you find him?" Sally, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Trill female, asked.  
  
"Long story, but his name is Heero. Heero, these are our friends, the crew of the merchant ship Caput... sometimes known as "ass-end"--"  
  
"Only to Duo, and mostly because we've given up on trying to smack him for it," the human girl, Hilde, muttered.  
  
Duo grinned and pointed at her. "Hilde," the human, "Sally," the Trill, "Cathy," a curly-haired Bajoran, "Instructor H", the male, "and Mariemaia, the captain." Heero glanced the last over, and concluded that she was half Romulan, part Bajoran, and part Cardassian.  
  
"Charmed," Cathy said dryly. "What's the rest of the story?"  
  
"Can't tell ya. Q-ball's called dibs." Duo pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "C'mon up to the lounge and all will be revealed. Over breakfast."  
  
"Duo, I take back all the nasty things I said about you before," Hilde said, linking arms with the other human as they started walking. "Any man that feeds me is a good man."  
  
"Same way I feel," her companion said, winking mischievously.  
  
Heero turned back towards his console.  
  
"Come on, Heero. You have a right to be there when we talk about you."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So he's... Borg," Cathy said flatly. Her gaze - filled with wariness nearly identical to Wufei's, though without the searing jealousy - had been pinned to Heero since Quatre had said that word.  
  
"That is so COOL!" Hilde squealed. "Can I examine your circuitry? Pleeeeeease?"  
  
"Sheesh, Hilde, why not ask to see his etchings while you're at it?" Duo asked sarcastically.  
  
"You think he'd let me?"  
  
"That is not possible. This unit has no etchings," Heero stated matter-of- factly.  
  
"Not 'this unit', Heero," Quatre replied wearily.  
  
"I."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Thanks are irrelevant."  
  
"Not to most societies, Heero." Quatre paused, looking around the room. The hostility coming from Wufei and Cathy, and somewhat from Mariemaia, was not conducive to the usual conversations the Gundam's crew had with the Caput's. "But I think Hilde's suggestion is a good one. Would you mind letting them examine your circuitry and medical data?"  
  
"Negative."  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
The Vulcan gestured towards the Infirmary, and Hilde, Sally, H, and Duo stood.  
  
"Oh, yeah, Hilde, when we're done poking at Heero's info, I got some new stuff I want to show you," Duo said as the others left.  
  
The doors closed, and the tension levels dropped considerably. Quatre relaxed somewhat, and turned to Mariemaia. "So, Captain..."  
  
"So," Marie agreed, with a faint smile. "You don't trust the Borg?"  
  
Quatre chuckled. "We aren't that foolish."  
  
"Yet," Wufei muttered.  
  
"Heero's rather like a computer in his thinking. Next to no moral judgment at all. So, no, I don't trust him to know when to keep quiet or who to trust, and I'm not about to try 'programming' him like that. Besides," Quatre smiled, "you don't trust him. So! What's *really* brought you to our ship today?"  
  
"Well, besides confirming for ourselves that the rumours were false," Mariemaia started. "I have something from.... my father."  
  
Quatre's smile fell away. "I see." Unspoken was the fact that for the Senator to involve Marie -- an illegitimate, half-breed child raised outside the Empire, whose activities bordered on illegal and whose existence would be politically damaging if she was discovered -- whatever it was, the need was dire. The Gundam was all but committed to the mission automatically.  
  
Marie sat back, her eyes half-closing as she slipped into a light meditative state. Quatre and Wufei did the same, insuring that they would keep the message word-for-word without recording it.  
  
"To my dearest adversaries, I offer you greetings. Would that we could meet fairly over crossed blades, but alas, ch'Rihan[1] is no longer witness to the passions and past times of ages gone before. The Elements have turned, our fires are banked, and in the hvai[2] who pretend to be Rihannsu[3], they are naught but ashes clouding the waters of deceit. To spite such hvai, I send you this: weeks a past, among they who abandoned ch'Rihan for Lloann'na[4], there was one who was known as Varis of the House of Llithrin, a nephew of Deihu[5] Naril of the same House. To date, the Deihu has amassed 70% of the money required to buy the boy's death, and doubtless shall have acquired the remainder long before the next election. The results of such an obscenity, the blame for which would be rested upon the shoulders of the Lloann'na, would propel him into the Senate, and to the government coffers. Should the boy live to see the election's end, the House of Llithrin shall be impoverished."  
  
"Ah, Romulan politics. How interesting," Quatre mused, sitting back in his seat and processing the request from Senator Treize.  
  
"How disgusting, you mean," Wufei growled, coming out of his trance state. "Dishonorable cur of a deihu..."  
  
"Look, no one's talking about how *your* people conduct their politics," Cathy said for the first time since the Borg left.  
  
Wufei would've glared at her, except he was already glaring on general principles. "I'M not talking about how anybody conducts their politics. I'm talking about the h-vay dog Deihu Naril specifically, though the fact that such a creature gained ANY power in a system of mob rule..." He pointedly trailed off, letting the phrase speak for itself.  
  
"-- is a testament to how good at deception a lying, honourless dog can be, we know, Chang."  
  
"So, is Senator Treize asking us to take this message to Starfleet? Or does he want us to actually protect this boy? Because, he can't afford our services if the second is the case at hand," Quatre said, a playful smile pulling at the corner of his lips.  
  
"Just get the message to Starfleet," Marie answered, relaxing faintly. "They're paid to babysit the galaxy, so they may as well earn it."  
  
Marie cast a sidelong glance at Wufei. "Parreeses Squares?" she asked sweetly.  
  
"There should be enough space, with all your cargo offloaded."  
  
Wufei gave her a sour look. "You onna can't hit worth a credit."  
  
"Why, Chang, I thought you realized... that wasn't hitting; that was blatant groping."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So," Hilde started as Duo led her down to Engineering after her extensive look over of Heero's circuitry, leaving the ex-Borg with H and the two doctors.  
  
"Yes?" Duo asked, sitting in the only chair and pulling out his box of new toys. His eyes shot up as Hilde draped herself across his lap, moving around until she was comfortable.  
  
"Are Klingons as *good* and insatiable in bed as I've heard?" she asked, an innocent smile plastered across her face. She started laughing as Duo turned three shades of red.  
  
"HILDE!" he yelled, dumping the human girl on her rear.  
  
"What?" she managed between giggles. "I know you, and you SO got laid last night. I'm guessing that Bot-boy's hormones are about as functional as a Vulcan's laugh track, and somehow I DON'T think Tro and Q-ball invited you into their bed, so that leaves your favorite half-Klingon ogle-ee." Duo just blushed a few shades more, but Hilde noticed that he was also fighting a smile. "Just as I thought. About time too, boy! Now, to collect on my bet from Cathy."  
  
"B-bet?" Duo choked out. "What bet?"  
  
"Like I'd tell you?! Just know that you have made me a very happy woman, without sleeping with me. Shame though..."  
  
"Er... right," Duo said, sitting back down.  
  
"I want details. NOW! Tell me *everything*," Hilde exclaimed, sitting back down in Duo's lap and awaiting every last sordid detail that she *knew* her friend was going to spill.  
  
Notes: [1] ch'Rihan – Romulan, Romulus [2] hvai – Romulan, beast; animal [3] Rihannsu – Romulan, Romulan (people) [4] Lloann'na –Romulan, Federation [5] Deihu – Romulan, Elder 


	6. Attack of the Little Green Men

Title: Star Trek - Gundam Episode 6   
Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPnameaol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makotosagara1yahoo.com)   
Archive: Makoto Sagara's Fanfiction Archive, ff.net, Forever Fandom, WufeiDuoYaoiML Archive, Ventilation Shaft, Le Ciel Place, Jadeduo's site; anywhere else, please ask.  
Pairings: 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5   
Rating: R   
Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this.   
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture. 

A/N: Mako: Waiiiiii! My disk died, Jo-chan! cries And now, I have to wait for Duo-chan to send me back files… Mako sad onna right now. checks email, blinks and then squeals JO! WE GOT A REVIEW FROM ASKUA KURERU! dies happily  
Jo: faints dead away  
Mako: So, if we're both dead, who's gonna write this chapter?  
Jo: is looking for Asuka's email addy to reply Shoot. She doesn't have one posted to her profile. You know what this means?  
Mako: What? We go hunting/ begging Christy-kaa-san?  
Jo: Nope! That would distract her from the next chapters of Rebuilding and DoJ. It means we put the replies here in the A/N's.  
Mako: Works for me. As far as her proposal, I'm for it… I love the French… and her work is…. Breathtaking. One word, Garou.  
Jo: 1. Woot! Asuka-sama! fangirly squealing in stereo  
2. Jo preens, since she did a lot of the G-boy species  
3. We're working very hard for the 1x2x5, but we agree that Heero needs to grow a personality. And to that bit of the comment: LOL!  
4. We thought Mel&Christy-sama did that already?  
5. G-girls are good. Why make up OCs when we have G-girls?  
6. We have STG. You have Garou. I'm sure we can negotiate. .  
7. We'd love to, but the whole threesome and same-sex thing is illegal in America (where we live). How's it in France?  
Mako: Ooooh, these notes are a bit long…. Maybe we should give them some story to go with our self-congratulatory celebration? And, by the way, I helped assign the races, dammit!  
Jo: Eh? Why? They don't come here for the STORY, do they?  
Mako: Er, I think so…. So, here it is… Episode six!

Symbols: _blah_ – either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech  
blah - emphasized word  
=== - Change of scene  
blah - sound effects 

Cargo Bay, ship Gundam, 0418 hours.

  
  
Heero stood alone at a console, monitoring the Gundam's video feed of the docking bays holding their ship. Quatre had asked him to keep an eye out for Duo and Wufei, who had gone out to -- as Duo put it -- "get some R&R".   
  
The computer databases had supplied Heero with several references for the strange term. These references included several businesses of ancient Earth, a game from the same era called "Monopoly", a nebula, a species of New Shironian bird (the "arenar"), and an acronym for "rest and relaxation".   
  
Heero wasn't quite sure why it would take quite this many hours to buy a few birds. 

0419 hours.

A commotion on the monitor drew Heero's attention. People were scattering, as phaser blasts shot through the bays. Near the head of the commotion, running quickly toward the Gundam's dock, were two easily recognizable figures; one a half-Klingon, the other a human with a long braid flying in his wake.

Heero's orders had been clear. "Watch for Duo and Wufei, please, Heero, and let them in when they get back?" Heero opened the Gundam's doors.   
  


"IdunnowhytheresomadatusHeerogowakeupQuatreandTrowa, NOW! Weneedhelpreturningfire, ASAP!" Duo shouted, all the time shooting back at the men who were giving pursuit, while performing a perfect spinning roll that landed him inside the ship's inner hall. 

Wufei flung himself into the ship after Duo, nearly bouncing off the bulkhead as he spun and slapped the touchpad to close the door behind them. He didn't glance at Heero as he snarled, "Heero, green ones, enemy, open fire. Duo, engines."

Heero, having already keyed in the red alert code, switched the console over to the weapons systems.

Quickly, Duo jumped into action, ignoring the rising anger he felt at the commanding tone in Wufei's voice. Instead, he concentrated on making his way to the engine room and heating up Solo for the bumpy ride ahead.

"Chang. Status," Heero asked.

Wufei took over the weapons console, not so politely elbowing Heero away. His voice was clipped as he tried to focus on using ship's phasers to lay cover fire with the delicate precision of hand-held weapons, to minimize damage to the port facilities and innocent -- well, uninvolved -- bystanders. "Orions, bar fight, they don't take losing very well. Call the Caput for assistance and disengage the docking clamps."

"Acknowledged," the ex-Borg replied, snapping into action to call upon the other ship. A few seconds later, Hilde's sleepy voice was heard.

"Yes? What is it, Duo? If you're about to tell me more about your sex life, couldn't this wait until morning?" she said, her nearly whining tone grating on Wufei's nerves.

"We are under Orion fire," Heero said flatly. "You will assist." He paused. "Refusal is futile."

Hilde's cackle sounded throughout the ship for a few minutes. "Boy, Duo's right. You're not only cute, but ya got much potential. Well, I'll tell you what, Bot-boy. I'm gonna go get Mariemaia, and we'll help you out, but don't make commanding me around an all the time thing, or you might find yourself missing some delicate circuitry next time we meet." She cut the line, and Heero turned to keying in the codes to unlock the docking clamps.

The ship rocked before it was released, and Quatre and Trowa ran from their quarters, trying to find something to hold onto while they moved away from the docking station. "Situation," Quatre snapped, losing his balance and falling on his rear as the ship tipped a bit to the left.

"We pissed off the Orions again," Wufei snapped, distracted still.

"How?!"

"They were hitting on Duo."

"Duo appears uninjured," Heero said. 

Quatre's ears reddened in anger before he calmed himself. "So, you two started a bar fight… yet again?" He turned to Heero. "They didn't physically try to harm Duo. They made… advances upon his personage."

"Orion ship is powering up," Heero said in response.

_"'Fei, engines are ready to go any time now,"_ Duo said over the comm-link.

Trowa tapped at his console. "The thin portion of the nebula is between here and Klingon space, Captain," he announced. "We will be unable to divert towards Federation space without encountering patrols should we use it."

"Pull away from the station," Quatre ordered. "What if we went through the thicker parts of the nebula?"

"Probability of being caught by Orions or plasma storms: 99%. Probability of Gundam's destruction: 73%."

_"Well, it's not a hundred, Q,"_ Duo offered. _"Besides, I think The Caput's gonna help us… Somehow."_

Quatre nodded curtly. "Take the course through the thin part, Trowa." Trowa complied, and the Gundam surged away from the smuggling port.

Heero spoke up. "Orions in pursuit. Orions opening fire... missed, Captain." "They aren't likely to be able to hit us once we get into the plasma, Captain," Wufei said grudgingly. 

_"They couldn't hit the broad side of a large M-class planet, anyways."_

"Caput is pulling away from the station," Heero said. "Caput is in pursuit. Caput is opening fire-- we're in the plasma. Scanners are blocked." 

_"Told you," _Duo said, before cutting the comm-link and heading back upstairs to the bridge. "Gotta love those girls, eh?"

  
  
===Extra special commercial break==== 

(slightly slow-mo video of Treize Khushrenada walking along a corridor) My name is Treize Khushrenada, and I approved of this message.

(old black-and-white reel of slapstick fistfight) Some people seem to think fighting will get me out of office. I DON'T think so.

(reel sizzles into static, and clears up into high-quality anime footage. OZ's least-favorite prankster, joker, and exploder-of-bases appears onscreen. He tilts his head, staring into the camera in confusion)  
Duo: Oops. I seem to have hacked into Khushy-bebi's commercial. It was a really silly one, too.

(off screen) Heero: That's what you always say.

Duo: Yeah, but it was saying we aren't going to win!

Heero: Five kids against an army of thousands of trained soldiers?  
Duo: You're right. The odds DO suck... maybe we should give them a thirty-second head start next time we go raze one of their super-high-security bases to the ground?

(pause)

D&H: Nahhhhhhhhh.

(channel goes into static again)

===End===  


The Starship Gundam emerged from the A'sol nebula in the Romulan Empire. On the bridge, scanners came back online, and everyone breathed a quick sigh of relief. It had been a tense four hours, as Trowa piloted through the thinnest part of the nebula at an almost suicidal speed. No one knew if the Orions were still in pursuit... four hours was a long time, but Orions weren't known for giving up the chase that quickly.

"Reading an asteroid belt at bearings 34 79, mark 2," Heero said.

Quatre nodded sharply at Trowa. "Duck inside," he said.

No sooner had they come to a stop in the belt, than the Orion ship came barreling out of the plasma.

It was trailing a faint spray of gasses from its Bussard scoops, and had a long scorch mark along one flank -- it had obviously had less luck in navigating the nebula than the Gundam had. But it slowed, probably to run scans of the area and reorient itself.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," Duo shouted, running back down to engineering in case they needed any extra speed.

"Duo's assessment would be accurate, Captain," Trowa said calmly. "Orion ship will detect us within fifteen minutes."

"Even damaged, we'll have to work to outrun an Orion vessel," Quatre mussed aloud, trying to find an answer to their current problem.

"Captain, our weapons are an equal match to the Orion armaments. The outcome of a fight is uncertain," Wufei told him. "We cannot afford to lose," he added.

"Yes, yes, Wufei. I am fully aware of our current… situation," Quatre snapped.

Silence reigned for a moment, punctuated only by electronic beeps as the crew checked and rechecked readouts.

"Ten minutes, Captain," Trowa announced quietly.

_"Q, what's going on up there? Do you need some extra speed?" _Duo asked over the comm-link, the agitation in his voice mirrored throughout the rest of the crew.

Quatre glanced up towards the ceiling. "We don't know yet, Duo. We're sitting tight and waiting for a miracle, I think. Anything you could give us -- even a crazy idea, at this point -- would be welcome."

"I'd love to say I do, but we burned out those extra boosters last month, and I haven't had a chance to get the parts..." 

Quatre's brow furrowed. "I... see. Thank you, Duo."

Heero turned away from his console. "Captain, request permission to take pod 2 and a phaser rifle."

Quatre blinked. "What?"

"This unit will board the Orion vessel and eliminate engines and weapons systems."

"Dammit, Heero, you are not this unit. You are part of my crew!"

"Request permission to board Orion vessel and eliminate engines and weapons systems," Heero repeated.

"Heero! Do you know the likelihood that you'll come BACK?!"

Silence.

Trowa turned sharply in his chair. "Calculate probability of survival of unit 'Heero'," he ordered.

".... Non-zero," Heero replied, almost sullenly.

"No," Quatre stated calmly. "I will not allow you to do that."

_"What the fuck is going on up there? Why are we just sitting here, like targets?"_ Duo yelled over the link.

"We're coming up with ideas," Wufei said. "The drone just had a useful one, but the Captain shot it down."

_"What? Why?"_

"Chang Wufei, you dishonorable CUR!" Quatre yelled. "He's a PERSON, not some expendable robot!"

Wufei jerked back as if stung.

_"Tro, what's going on? What is Q talking about?"_

"If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand," Wufei growled.

"If I were any other man, I wouldn't notice the dishonor--" Wufei hissed at the word "-- you just displayed! Get your head out of your ass and never let your jealousy issues interfere with your work AGAIN!"

"Fuck, am I like not getting through?! If you aren't going to tell me what's up, then can we please get back to the asshole Orions trying to KILL us?"

Quatre sizzled -- there was no other word for it -- angrily at Wufei for another moment, then visibly collected himself. "Orions. Right. Bring 'em on, if nothing else we can set me loose on them while Chang's _broadcasting_." He hissed the word through gritted teeth, then his eyes flicked over to Heero. "That was NOT literal, Heero; don't take it as any sort of endorsement of your plan. We all go down together, and we take out the bastards trying."

"Acknowledged," the ex-Borg deadpanned, looking to the blond captain for the next step.

"Captain." Trowa's voice was dead. "Orion ship powering up."

"Quatre, what…" 

"Duo, just shut up! I need to be able to think," Quatre shouted into the comm before shutting it off.

"Captain, recommend taking the battle to them," Wufei tried, hands flying over his console. "Then return--" he refused to say 'retreat', "-- into this belt and hope Trowa can steer them into an asteroid. It will be a prolonged battle, but--"

"Unnecessary," Trowa, shockingly, interrupted. "Caput is emerging from the nebula. Firing on Orion ship--"

"I don't know if I should be surprised or not," Quatre muttered, his irritation dimming slightly.

"Captain, we are receiving an incoming transmission from the Caput."

"On screen."

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Mariemaia yelled at the Gundam's crew. "Go." She cut the transmission, as Trowa brought the ship's engines up to speed and warped out.

"Orion ship is disabled," Heero said flatly. "Orion ship powering up-- Orion ship retreating. Caput giving chase. Back into the nebula... off scanners, Captain."

Duo stormed onto the bridge, glaring daggers at the rest of the crew. "Fuck you, too, Captain Winner," he spat, looking pointedly at Wufei afterwards. "Next time, just tell me what's going on, so I know how I can help you." He stalked off again, his anger radiating off of him in waves.

Wufei's hands clenched on his console. "Request permission to leave bridge," he said perfunctorily to Quatre, already halfway out the door.

Quatre sagged into his chair, feeling a lot easier now that they were out of danger and Wufei's broadcasting mind had left him in peace. The bridge was much quieter and he could think clearly once again. He smiled weakly at Trowa's questioning eyebrow. "I'm fine, Trowa. Just a slight headache."

Trowa inclined his head. "It is likely that Duo will be able to 'straighten Wufei's head out', I believe is the phrase."

"I don't doubt it, but I'm imagining the damage to their quarters in the meantime," Quatre replied, smiling wider. "I'm rather grateful that I'm not Klingon or the mate of one…"

==============

"Fucking, no-good, uptight, bastard captain," Duo snarled, banging a hand against the nearest wall. "I should freeze that Betazoid's rooms for a week."

"For being Betazoid?" Wufei inquired dryly from the doorway. "Since when are you racist?"

"I'm not," the human replied hotly. "But… Just leave me alone, Wufei…"

"Heero volunteered to take a lifepod and a phaser rifle, and sabotage the Orion ship's engines and weapons banks."

"What? Is he insane?" Duo stopped, looking at the half-Klingon. "Is that what Q was so pissed about earlier?" He looked closely at the other. "What did you say?"

Wufei braced himself for the storm -- it was dishonorable to lie. "Good idea."

"Ass…" Duo hissed, turning so he didn't have to look at Wufei. "Why?"

"I don't like him." Mostly. But... underneath the raging jealousy that Quatre couldn't help but know about, there was a hint, a tiny spark, which made the jealousy worse. No wonder he'd been broadcasting... "And I didn't think of it first."

"You're jealous of him?!" Duo said, sighing. "Why? Because he beat you to the punch line, or because I think he's cute?"

"I. Don't. Like. Him." Wufei corrected grimly. "Because... Yes. Because I can't tell if his offer shows a hint of honor buried under the soulless Borg, or just emptiness. Because he doesn't have the decency to care that he's hated. Because he's cu-- you think he's cute. And because he's a threat!"

Duo blinked, absorbing what his lover had just said, and slowly a smile crossed his face, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "You think he's cute… Even if he's a 'threat'…" He started laughing uncontrollably, grabbing onto the nearest surface to keep his balance. "Oh, this is rich," he managed between guffaws. "You're… jealous… of a recently… found… Borg… because…oh…"

"I did NOT say that!"

"You don't have to, Wufei. It's written all over that sexy, scowling face of yours," Duo replied, sobering immediately. "It's kinda cute."

Wufei growled, which sent shivers up and down Duo's spine. The human slowly approached the other man, his eyes glazing over as he took in the sight before him. "'Fei, you have nothing to worry about. Heero… You might as well be jealous over a picture or something like that… Besides, I want you," he purred, running one hand over the exposed skin that Wufei's shirt showed. "Now…"

"Yes..." Wufei yanked Duo to him.

Quatre tensed in his chair on the bridge, blushing hotly. "Arrgh!" he yelled, suddenly hoarse. "They're broadcasting AGAIN!"


	7. HER

Title: Star Trek - Gundam Episode 7  
Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPnameaol.com) and Makoto Sagara (makotosagara1yahoo.com)  
Archive: foreverfandom.net, wufeiduo.net, Ventilation Shaft, Le Ciel Place, Jadeduo's site; anywhere else, please ask.  
Pairings: 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5  
Rating: R  
Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this.   
Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.

A/N: Mako: gets all floaty, spacey, and gone Too much fun, not enough actual work... looks down Ne, Jo, it's my fault we didn't start this earlier, isn't it?  
Jo: This time, yes.  
Mako: /snerk/ I couldn't help it. Neko made me start a few more fics, then I got dragged into some loverly RPs with Skeren Dreamera and Bagelbunion, and well... Mako's got a case of the bubblehead now... beams happily But I'm here to work now!!   
Jo: Do I need to get a stick to pop your bubble and get you back down here?   
Mako: /shakes head vehemently/ No, no, no. I'm here! /looks at Neko/ Um, I'm definitely here now...   
Jo: And it looks like you're not going to be here long, if that brat has anything to say about it. On with the fic!   
Mako: Yes! On with the flic! I mean, fic!  
  
Symbols: _blah_ – either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech  
=== - Change of scene  
-blah- - sound effects

Wufei woke slowly, wrapped around Duo and butt-naked. This was not a bad way to wake up; in fact, he rather liked it. He glanced at the clock -- shoot, they had to be in Klingon space by now. He pulled himself out of bed and walked over to the comm unit. As he tapped in an old comm code, he heard Duo shift under the covers.  
  
Duo whimpered as he lost his source of heat and curled into a ball, face scrunched up. "'Fei?" he asked sleepily, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Go back to sleep, Duo," Wufei answered, hitting 'send'.  
  
Duo cracked open his eyes. "Who ya callin', 'Fei?" He sat up, closing his eyes as the lights shone in them.  
  
"Bao."  
  
"Eh? Who?"  
  
"An old friend, from the House of Tsong." The call went through, and started ringing.  
  
Duo rubbed his eyes as he watched Wufei. He stretched languidly and smiled. "You look good naked."  
  
Wufei shrugged. That was generally the result of Klingon metabolism and a healthy combination of exercise and diet. Though he rather preferred the exercise he was getting with (and in) Duo. "So do you. Not that you don't know it." A snarl of polite Klingon came through the speakers.  
  
Who is this and what do you want?  
  
Wufei allowed a smirk and answered in the same language. Bao, you old dog.  
  
WUFEI?  
  
Duo snickered lightly and moved over to the sonic shower to clean up. It always amused him to hear Wufei speak in Klingon, even if some of his words weren't exactly nice.  
  
When he came back in, Wufei was just finishing up the call. "So we'll see you in a few hours."  
  
Yes, yes, a few hours. Don't call anybody else.  
  
"Have you forgotten I'm not an idiot? I'm not going to risk dealing with HER."  
  
Good. She's still ready to string you up by your guts and balls.  
  
"She's almost forgiven me, then."  
  
... and use your ribs as a comb and your spine as hair ornaments. Last I heard.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Sounds like you made one lady a very unhappy person," Duo replied in Klingon and slipped on a clean pair of black pants and a matching black t- shirt. "Can't imagine how."  
  
"Later, Bao." Wufei hung up, and turned to Duo. "She's mildly annoyed." He shrugged. "And it's all politics, but she can't fight the entire House of Duras and the Council. So it's my fault."  
  
Duo looked at Wufei, taking in the tightness in his shoulders. "You know, if I didn't have to go down to engineering, I'd make you relax. Just... don't hurt the walls or anything. That's my job," he said, pulling his belt on and kissing the half-Klingon's cheek. "Later, 'Fei."  
  
Wufei growled, annoyed, and grabbed Duo's waistband. He yanked the engineer into his lap. "I HATE duty right now," he confided, before pulling Duo into a hard kiss. A final nip, and he pushed Duo away. "Go."  
  
The human snickered. "You know, hearing you say that is worth the fact that I'm going to be late to check the warp engine," he replied sassily and left the room.  
  
Wufei bit back a most un-Klingon sigh, glared his reawakening erection away, and went to get showered and dressed.

============  
  
Quatre looked up as his security officer stepped on the bridge. "Thank goodness you're finally here, Wufei," he said, grimacing. "You and Heero have the bridge until I get some sleep, and Trowa returns from his rest as well. Please refrain from killing anyone or fighting too much. And unless we are under attack, or you really need us, don't contact either of us," he finished, breezing passed the ex-Borg and the Klingon. "And, stop broadcasting. It's giving me a headache."  
  
Wufei bowed his head curtly. "I've made arrangements to meet a contact in a few hours. He'll help get us through the Empire. Go rest."  
  
"Thank you," Quatre added, leaving, and the doors closed behind him. Heero looked over at Wufei, who was scowling.  
  
"Contact?"  
  
Wufei briefly considered telling the machine it was none of his business, but... was that jealousy or prudence? "An old classmate. The Empire has never been safe for humans, but it's particularly hostile right now. The House of Duras is in power."  
  
Heero nodded and looked at the control panel in front of him. He understood briefly what Wufei was saying. He had managed to read up on the Klingon political situation during one of his many stints with the ship's data records.  
  
The tension was broken by Duo lugging a huge box of parts onto the bridge and plopping down into the captain's chair. "Oh, real stimulating conversing going on, you two," he quipped, winking at Wufei as he took a few parts out of the box.  
  
"I'd give you 'stimulating', Maxwell, but we're on duty," Wufei snapped back without thinking.  
  
Duo chuckled, grabbing a few tools from his belt as he worked. "Oh, I'd love to, Fei-bebi, but you're right. We're supposed to be working." He held up the materials in his hands.  
  
"And just what are you working on?" Wufei asked, figuring that Duo was pushing for him to ask.  
  
"Gift," Duo replied cryptically.  
  
"What, and for who?"  
  
"Thinkin' about a little figurine for my favourite Klingon."  
  
... That was worrying. "Do I want to know?" Wufei asked acidly.  
  
"Awww, you worry too much," Duo said, obviously amused, taking out a tiny laser and fusing a few pieces of metal together. "You'll like it."  
  
Considering what Duo had just figured out about Wufei's attractions... "You'd better be SURE of that." If Duo was making a miniature Heero or something ridiculous like that, Wufei would hurt him. Not seriously, but he would.  
  
"Oh, I'm positive." Taking out the laser again, he lopped off a corner, holding up the miniature Bat'tleth that looked exactly like the one Wufei had hanging on the walls in their room.  
  
Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Ah," was all he could say.  
  
Duo snorted. "Told you." He put the small blade down and picked up more wires and metal pieces, beginning to fuse the wires together, and creating a new datapad for his Vulcan friend. "You thought I was gonna give you something... kinky?"  
  
"No." He hadn't even thought of that, though he should've.  
  
"Then what?" He continued to play with the wires, taking out a knife and splaying the wires. He grimaced as he accidentally cut his finger. "Shit."  
  
Wufei stepped around his console, grabbing Duo's hand. "Pay attention," he grumbled, pulling Duo's hand to his mouth. He licked the tiny trickle of blood away, to see the wound was small. Good -- no need for a dermal regenerator.  
  
Duo purred as Wufei's tongue touched his skin. "What else can you do with that tongue, 'Fei?"  
  
"Later." Wufei licked the tiny wound again, then pulled the finger fully into his mouth. He didn't care that Heero was watching -- let the damn machine watch. Duo was HIS. He swirled his tongue around the digit, then sucked gently.  
  
Duo's face flushed a bit. "'Fei. Audience," he panted, eyes closing as Wufei's mouth molested his finger.  
  
"Screw the audience," Wufei muttered. But he released Duo's hand.  
  
Duo snorted. "Who's the kinky one now?"  
  
"You still are," Wufei said, returning to his console.  
  
"I'll show you later," Duo muttered, taking all his parts and throwing them into the box. He then stood up with it and looked at Wufei. "I have a bad feeling about this," he replied, heading down to engineering.  
  
Wufei didn't dignify that with an answer, as he guided the ship into atmosphere, found a good spot, and set the ship down. They had only been waiting forty minutes before a much calmer Quatre reappeared on the bridge, being trailed by Trowa.  
  
"What's the situation, Wufei?"  
  
"We've landed at the rendezvous point."  
  
"And? When is your contact supposed to arrive?" Quatre stopped to think for a moment and turned to look at Trowa. "I don't think it's a good idea to expose Heero to too many hostile Klingons. They might see it as an insult, or try to kill him and/or us. What do you think, Trowa?"  
  
"It would be advisable," Trowa agreed. "Might I recommend that we avoid allowing the Klingons to see the alcove as well?"  
  
"That makes sense. They would more than likely panic if they saw it." Quatre turned to Wufei. "What do you suggest? The alcove is too large to put anywhere else but the cargo bay, and that is the only way onto the ship, without transporting."  
  
"We'll have to meet outside, then," Wufei admitted reluctantly.  
  
"Then it's mostly settled. What time are we supposed to be meeting your contact?"  
  
Duo chose that moment to reappear. "What's going on, guys? Hey, Q, you look better."  
  
"Thank you, Duo," Quatre replied dryly. "We're discussing our rendezvous with Wufei's contact."  
  
"He'll signal when he arrives. That should be in another half hour, minimum."  
  
Duo smirked. "That's long enough." He leered at Wufei before stepping back slowly.  
  
"Just shout your intentions to the galaxy, why don't you," Wufei muttered, following regardless.  
  
"That'd be too easy," the human retorted, dragging his lover to their quarters.  
  
Quatre sighed. "We should really stop them before they get started again."  
  
"Scanners are reading a ship in atmosphere," Heero announced loudly.  
  
"What class, Heero?"  
  
"Raptor class, Captain. Not broadcasting ID."  
  
Wufei stormed back onto the bridge, his thwarted scowl enough to curdle milk. "He's early," he snarled.  
  
Duo followed closely behind. "I didn't know that your friend had a Raptor class, 'Fei," he said, his face a near mimic of the Klingon's.  
  
"He could hardly use a shuttlecraft, could he," Wufei pointed out, running a passive scan of the ship. "Though it might not be--" A burst of oddly wavering static hissed through the speakers. "Never mind. It's Bao."  
  
"Yanno, he could have better timing. Who shows up early to escort a crew of unwanted 'human' scum through Klingon space?" Duo said, his anger deflating.  
  
"Bao, apparently," Wufei said. "He's never had the best timing."  
  
Quatre could have sworn that he heard Duo mutter something along the lines of "you could say that again." Sighing wearily, Quatre stood up straight. "Well, I suppose we should decide who is going out to meet him? Wufei... and?"  
  
Duo raised his hand. "Me. I get to go," he said, his voice sounding a bit forced.  
  
"Fine," Quatre replied. "We will stay here and wait for your return. Heero, you can go back to your console if you wish."  
  
Heero nodded curtly, sitting back down at the console he'd been at before the interruption. With that, Wufei and Duo headed down to the cargo bay and out of the ship. They walked until they were halfway to the other ship before twenty Klingon officers stepped out, weapons drawn.  
  
"Shit," Duo hissed. "I told you I had a bad feeling about this."  
  
Raise your hands in the air and don't move! one of the Klingons snarled.  
  
"I see we've been betrayed by the House of Tsong," Wufei said coldly, eyeing the speaker.  
  
"Jazz, opera, or rock?" Duo quipped.  
  
The House has been loyal to the Empire, now: Hands. Above. Your. Heads!  
  
Seeing no other option, both crewmembers slowly raised their hands in the air, movements for their weapons forgotten.  
  
The officer jerked his head towards Wufei, and one of his underlings stepped forward. The underling briskly tore away various parts of Wufei's outfit -- his wrist guards, his belt buckle, his Klingon sash, even bits of ornamentation from his boots and his hair tie. He then quickly frisked the human, confiscating a knife from Duo's boot. Now disarmed, the two were marched back to the Gundam at phaserpoint.  
  
As they approached the Gundam, the head officer yanked Duo to him by his braid.  
  
"Oi," Duo shouted, a hand grabbing at the base of his skull where most of the pull was coming from. "Not the hair!"  
  
"Silence," the officer snapped in English, jerking Duo's head a bit further back and putting his _taj _knife to it. "You will behave, and your crew will obey, or we will start slicing pieces off," he told Wufei.  
  
Wufei stiffened in outrage, his fists clenching. The officer tapped Duo's throat with the tip of his knife, and Wufei hissed. "That. Won't. Be. Necessary."  
  
The leader nodded to another Klingon, and the other man pulled a comm device from his belt. "Illegal ship Gundam! This is the Imperial Guard! Answer!"  
  
Quatre slapped on the comm button. "This is Captain Winner of the Gundam. Where are our shipmates?"  
  
"You and your crew are under arrest! Surrender yourselves and your vessel!"  
  
"Are my crew members safe? Wufei? Duo?"  
  
"Put on your visuals, Federation fool!" the Klingon snapped. "They're uninjured, YET. Surrender!"  
  
Quatre nodded to Trowa and the group of Klingons popped up on the screen, the obvious leader holding a knife to Duo's throat and Wufei surrounded by two thirds of the group. He nearly snarled, but held back. "We surrender."  
  
"Wise choice."  
  
Duo growled, but otherwise remained silent, glaring at their captors.  
  
====Extra Special Commercial Break====   
/Duo is standing before a white backdrop. He grins, opens his mouth, and sings./   
My bishounen has a first name. It's W-U-F-E-I.  
My bishounen has a second name. It's C-H-A-N-G.  
I love to watch him everyday, and if you ask me why I'll saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Because Chang Wufei has a way with S-E-X-X-X-X- Y.   
Wufei grabs Duo and yanks him away from the camera, bright red and furious MAXWELL!!   
====End Commercial Break====  
  
"Well, this is a lovely mess you've gotten us into," Duo replied in English, glaring at the Klingons who were holding them captive on their own ship. "Why'd I even wake up this morning?"  
  
"This lovely mess is that sniveling bastard's fault, and I will see him pay for this betrayal," Wufei growled, the double meaning intentional. 'Pay' meant 'regret' in Klingon.  
  
Duo snorted. "Of course. So, what are we going to do now?"  
  
Wufei had no answer.  
  
They all looked up as their captors allowed Heero to rejoin them in the common room, after an 'examination'.  
  
"Heero?" Quatre said, moving slowly to the Borg. "Are you alright?"  
  
"This unit remains functional," Heero replied icily.  
  
"Well, that's a relief," the captain replied. He looked at Trowa, who seemed to be lost in thought, his face seemingly open to his natural Vulcan pensiveness.  
  
The Klingons who weren't watching over them were looking over the ship, and discussing the 'luxuriousness' of the accommodations. The head officer -- who, by this time, had bothered to introduce himself as Mork, son of Mook -- threw himself into one of the lounge chairs in disgust. "Weak," he sneered to the room at large.  
  
"Soft," one of the others agreed, picking at the padding, equally disgusted.  
  
Duo snorted. "Man, they're gonna fuck up my engines... I just know it," he said, irritated beyond measure.  
  
"We have found contraband!" A hulking, excited officer stormed from Quatre and Trowa's room, a drawer under his arm. He slammed it down onto the table triumphantly.  
  
Mork peered into the drawer. "You have done well. What is it?"  
  
"I do not know. Therefore, it must be illegal!"  
  
Quatre blushed. He knew what was in that drawer. It wasn't contraband, but if Duo saw it, he'd never hear the end of it.  
  
Mork reached into the drawer and lifted out an egg-shaped object. He tilted it from side to side, peering curiously. Suddenly, it began to buzz. He dropped it and pulled his disruptor on it. "What is this?!" he snarled at the crew.  
  
Trowa raised an eyebrow, and Quatre buried his face in his hands, bright red.  
  
Duo watched and then busted out into laughter. "Ooooh, I know what that is," he singsonged, elbowing Quatre and leering at Trowa. He then turned to Wufei. "Can we get some of those at the next port we land at," he whispered huskily.  
  
Wufei raised his own eyebrow haughtily. "You require one?" he asked pointedly.  
  
"Answer the question, human!" Mork growled.  
  
Duo turned to glare at the leader. "No, I don't, but I'm pretty sure someone like you would."  
  
Mork turned the disruptor on the crew.  
  
Quatre clamped a hand over Duo's mouth. "Do not provoke the stupid captors, Duo," he whispered. "They aren't Wufei and have every right to kill us, if they want."  
  
"It's a sex toy," Wufei answered flatly. All the Klingons gave him blank stares. "The concept doesn't translate, so there are no laws in Klingon space regarding them."  
  
Duo snickered from behind Quatre's hand, and noticed that Heero looked confused. He tilted his head to the ex-Borg and then looked at Quatre. "You might have to explain that to Hee-chan over there, Q-ball."  
  
"He can look it up in the databanks. Later."  
  
Wufei's mouth curved in a faint smirk. "Actually, we have little else to discuss, and a captive audience. We may as well... lecture."  
  
"Then you tell him about it, Wufei," Quatre spat, his face resembling a tomato.  
  
"We have no interest in your 'lecture'. If you cannot explain it in ten seconds, it is contraband and the full penalties will be added to your sentence," the leader spat.  
  
"Aw, come on. Don't be like that. You won't be so dumb afterwards," Duo said, ducking Quatre's hand but finding he was facing a scowling Wufei. "Er, or maybe not..."  
  
"Shut. Up. Duo!" Wufei hissed. "In short, the object is used to enhance pleasure during sexual activity." The Klingons still looked blank. "Difficult as it is to believe, most Federation races consider mating to be more complex than insert-penis." He spat the last words, his language degrading in his annoyance.  
  
Duo snickered, even though Wufei had chastised him. The looks on all the Klingons' faces were more than enough to make him feel better. "Ah, the lovely mating rituals of the many races," he said, obviously more that a bit amused with his own joke.  
  
"... It is contraband and the penalties will be added to your sentence," Mork finally said, apparently unable to wrap his mind around the concept.  
  
One of the subordinates called from the bridge. "Sir, ships uncloaking to port- starboard- all around! We're being hailed!"  
  
"Well?!" Mork snarled. "Patch it through!"  
  
A split second of silence, then a computer-distorted voice came through the common room speakers. "Hailing ship. Respond, ship."  
  
"What do you want?" Mork snapped.  
  
"I am the dread pirate Roberts, and I am confiscating this ship."  
  
"No. Oh, shit," Wufei whispered. Duo shot him a look. He just shook his head and listened.  
  
"We are the Imperial Guard! YOU are under arrest!"  
  
"Oh, I think not." The voice changed to match Wufei's perfectly. "Power down, authorization Remote-Chang-Eir-Zero."  
  
The Gundam cut power.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Mork nearly screamed, looking around for the rest of his men.  
  
Six columns shimmered orange in the darkened room, coalescing into six humanoid figures, whom promptly opened fire.  
  
"Who the hell?" Duo shouted, getting up and moving as close as was prudent to the party.  
  
The shortest of the group stepped forward, and the emergency lights kicked in, revealing a tiny Klingon woman. She pulled the voice distorter away from her throat, and then smirked at the crew. "Hello, Wufei."  
  
Wufei swallowed slowly, looking at the not so unfamiliar newcomer. "Hello... Meiran."


	8. Likes Repel

**Title:** Star Trek - Gundam Episode 8   
**Authors:** JoIsBishMyoga and Makoto Sagara   
**Pairings:** 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5   
**Rating:** R   
**Category:** Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

**Disclaimers: Mako:** Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. **Jo:** Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture.

**A/N: Jo:** If you recognize the source of the commercial: the writer is a rabid, incurable fan of a certain pair of fan-authors. If you don't recognize the source: man, are YOU a poor, deprived person. **Mako:** If they cannot recognize the genius that is my net-mommy and one of her partners in crime, then… (Nods at Neko, who pulls out the claws.) Yeah, that's more like it… (Smiles evilly.) **Jo:** (Drags over stack of printouts.) Is that really necessary? It's not entirely their fault if they've never had the opportunity to read Mel&Christy. **Mako:** I didn't say it was necessary. She's in a bit of a mood, and better them than me… I'd like to live to continue writing, thank you. **Jo:** Good point. **Mako:** (Beams.) I thought you'd see it my way. Now, on to… (Cues music.) Meiran! **Jo:** (Ominous music plays.) Mwahahahaha! She lives! She liiiiiiiiives!

**Symbols:** _blah_ – either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech  
--- - Change of scene  
-blah- - sound effects

Meiran frowned up into Wufei's face for a long moment, hands on her hips. Then, she reared back and backhanded him, sending his head snapping to the side. "WHAT possessed you to go crawling to that spineless little _petaQ_ Bao for help?" she demanded.  
  
Wufei coolly faced forward again, back straight, emphasizing the several inches of height he had on her. "It is pleasant to see you again, too," he said. "How have you been? Is Chancellor Long doing well?"  
  
"You know damn well how the entire Council is doing, unless you've quit listening to the news, and answer my question! You idiot! Have you lost what little sense you had? Calling BAO? I should cut your spine out and use it for hair ornaments!"

"Funny, Bao said that you were going to do that anyway."

"What? Ooh... that little-- I never said that about YOU!"

"Gentlemen," Wufei said dryly, behaving as if the Klingon woman was going through human pleasantries rather than darkening with fury, "her Highness, Princess Meiran of the House of Long; heir to the most esteemed Chancellor Long of the Klingon High Council; and best, youngest, smallest, and one of the few female warriors of the Kahless Academy of Art and War, class of '63."  
  
"You forgot one."  
  
Wufei coughed. "Er, and my ex-fiancée."

Duo took a few moments as he blinked to process that. "Ex... fiancée? Wha? Huh?"

Meiran raised her chin haughtily. "It means that the betrothal was broken for political reasons, namely the rise of the House of Duras and its xenophobic bootlickers. We couldn't afford to bring a half-human into the family." She made a disdainful sound. "Idiotic and unjust as the whole mess is."

Duo glared shortly at Wufei before turning back to the Klingon woman. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Lady Meiran."

Quatre stepped forward and bowed formally to her. "Thank you for your help, Lady Meiran. It is nice to finally meet you. How may we be of assistance to you?"

Meiran nodded curtly to her men, and they began vaporizing the bodies. "_You, _Captain, can sit on this macho idiot and not put up any fuss while the House of Long smoothes your way through the Empire. Your human, however... Duo Maxwell, in the name of Kahless, I challenge you to prove your honorable intentions towards Wufei of the House of Chang!"

"What?" Duo cried, staring at the petite woman in shock.

Wufei put a hand to his forehead ridge and groaned.

"Heero, NO, she's not hostile!" Quatre yelled, restraining the ex-Borg back and having Trowa hold him so he couldn't attack their rescuer.

Meiran planted her feet and tipped her head even more arrogantly, managing to look down her nose at Duo despite being several inches shorter. "You will fight me in the ritual of _jup'tob'yoj_, to prove your worthiness for Wufei's bed!" she clarified.

Duo eyed her for a minute. "I've never heard of that ritual, and I've been studying the Klingon culture for as long as I can remember."

"There IS no such ritual," Wufei muttered. "She made it up when we were at the Academy together."

Duo's stare turned into an outright glare. "Dirty tricks will get you nowhere," he said lowly.

Meiran frowned. "Who said anything about a dirty trick? Preemptive strike. I doubt I'll be around to kick your butt if you hurt him later on."

"MEI!"

"Fine, Lady. What's your game?" Duo said icily, moving to stand directly in front of Wufei, getting between him and the woman.

"My 'game', as your language so elegantly puts it, is to protect my 'Fei from thrill-seeking little _yIH_ [1] fascinated by exotic _kuveleta_ [2] _pets_." Meiran sneered

Duo's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't know who you've been talking to lately, but I am not out to keep him as a pet. Besides, he's my Wufei now."

Mei nearly growled. "Will you fight with words or with fists, _kleon_ [3]?"

"Lady's choice," Duo said in that same cold voice, still standing between his lover and the small woman.

"He's already fighting you with words, Mei," Wufei interrupted, amused.

"So he is," Meiran said approvingly. "Sneaky Terran... I think I LIKE your human, Fei."

Duo glared yet again, and took a step forward, only to be restrained by Quatre. "Let. Go. Now. Quatre."

"I don't think so, Duo. Calm down." Quatre shot back.

"No, don't calm down!" Meiran protested.

"Give it up, Mei. You'll have to take Duo's measure the long way."

Duo blinked before looking back at Wufei. "What?" he snarled.

Wufei blinked. "'When a man fights another, he learns his opponent's character'," he said. "Yoshro of the House of Tog'shi."

Duo let out a low growl. "Captain? Can I go back to engineering now?"

Quatre cleared the smirk off of his face. "Why?"

"I need to check the warp core, Sir."

Quatre nodded. "Of course, Duo."

Duo stomped off, but not before glaring pointedly at Wufei. He then went through the door to Engineering, slamming the door shut behind him.

Quatre winced. "Well, that went well... I think."

/Thanks a LOT, Mei,/ Wufei muttered in Klingon.

"What?" Meiran asked with a knowing smile. "Did I mess something up?"

"Thank you very much for rescuing us. I'll never forgive you if you don't go down there and apologize for being a complete lunatic."

Meiran smiled wider. "Did I ruin your relationship with your human, 'Fei?"

Wufei snorted. "Hardly. If you had, you'd be spaced by now."

She sighed. "Terrans are just so easy to bait. Can you blame me?"

"Yes."

Meiran would have pouted had it been in her nature. "Fine. Would you prefer if I made peace with your human then?"

"Do as you like," Wufei grumbled, pushing Meiran away from him. "You always do."

Quatre chose that moment to intercede. "I don't think that would be the wisest thing at the present, Lady Meiran. I would like to ask you question. How did you know exactly how to find us?"

Meiran waved a hand in annoyance. "That loudmouth Bao, a few spies in the House of Tsong, and a quick launch. Followed that idiot the whole way here."

Quatre nodded in response, a little unsure of how to exactly proceed. "So... What are our plans for now?"

"Well..." Meiran made a show of thinking for a second. "I thought I'd have my engineers outfit you with a cloaking device, and then..." Her eyes went almost wistful. "Do you have Terran movies? And popcorn? [4]"

-------

====Extra Special Commercial Break====  
(image of Wufei standing next to a suitcase)

Quatre: (voiceover) Have a package to deliver? (Wufei rolls his eyes) Need it to be there the very next day? (Trowa walks onscreen) Send it by Maguanac Express! (Trowa grabs Wufei, who squawks, and shoves him and his luggage into a shuttle's airlock. Rashid catches and steadies Wufei, then cheerfully waves goodbye to Trowa)

(Image cuts to morning on Earth, and the Maguanacs setting a tied-up Wufei on a doorstep, and then ringing the bell. When Duo answers, they all but shove the sputtering Chinese boy into a delighted Duo's arms)

Quatre: Maguanac Express! When it absolutely, positively, must be there the very next day!

====End Commercial Break====  
-------

"GET YOUR STINKING _petaQ_ ASSES OUT OF MY ENGINEERING! THE NEXT KLINGON MORON I SEE IS DYING!!" Duo shouted, three bulky Klingons making a tactical advance as far away from the fuming human as possible, dropping tools in their haste to escape the phaser pointed at their nether regions.

They climbed frantically through the hatch into the crew common room, slamming it behind them.

"Heiress Meiran!"

"Commander Meiran!"

The girl paused her movie and turned, voice flat and low. "If there is not a good reason for interrupting this -- say, filthy _yIH_ infesting the warp core -- I will have your heads on a platter. For breakfast!"

The ringleader growled, slapping a fist against his breastplate. "Worse, Lady Meiran! The Human refuses to allow the installation! He ordered us out at phaserpoint!" Duo chose that moment to step out with his phaser, which was still pointed at the three huge Klingon warriors.

"And I will use it if anyone even thinks about touching ­my engines," Duo growled, the hand holding the phaser coming out a bit more to point directly at the closest target's… family jewels.

Meiran raised an eyebrow, and then pushed herself up from the couch, growling dangerously. "You. Were NOT. To install. It. Yourself!" She slugged the ringleader in the jaw, and he toppled. "What part of 'DELIVER' did you not understand? _Kuvekhestat_! Have you NO sense of professional courtesy?!"

Duo's eyes flicked over to Meiran as he kept the phaser on the men before him. "Delivery? You have some really dumb people working for you, princess."

"My apologies," she said dryly -- a mannerism that had probably been picked up from Wufei. "Next time I rush from my home to rescue old friends, I'll be sure to select warriors with half a brain cell each."

Duo caught the un-Klingon behavior and snorted. "That would be nice. Now, tell your idiots to drop the cloaking device, or I shoot off their toes to start."

Mei raised an eyebrow at the three unfortunate morons. "Well? You heard the man."

The ringleader frowned. "Heiress, we're _professionals_. A human can't possibly install it correctly--"

Duo growled. "MY engines. You even think about trying that Klingon superiority bullshit and you'll be the first to go. Besides, I know about Klingon weaponry, ships, mechanics, and I've improved a few things from ships I've scavenged. Now, want to try that again?"

"Er..."

"Yes, Soch, let's try this again," Mei said sweetly. "Give. The. Cloaking. Device. To. The. Human."

Duo held out the hand not holding the phaser and set his weapon from stun to kill. "Yes. Listen to the woman. She's being reasonable for once," he said icily.

Soch growled, and threw a couple of isolinear chips at Duo.

Duo deftly caught the chips in the air and took a few steps back before smiling. "Nice doing business with stupid _yIH_." He keyed in the code that locked the door behind him and smiled as he headed back to engineering to set up his new toy with his babies.

She flipped the movie back on. "--nlike other Robin Hoods, I speak with an English accent." Meiran grinned and 'oooh'ed with the movie's crowd.

**Notes:  
****[1]** yIH = Tribbles, which Klingons find disgusting  
**[2]** Kuveleta = half-slave, an insult for some half-Klingons  
**[3]** Kleon = enemy or opponent; it means the same thing to Klingons  
**[4]** According to Jo-chan: Meiran is a Terran movie addict. Blame 'Fei.


	9. Temperatures Risan

**Title:** Star Trek - Gundam Episode 9  
**Authors:** JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname AT AOL . com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto sagara 1 AT yahoo . com)  
**Archive:** makotosagara . net / fanfiction, fanfiction . net, Foreverfandom . net, wufeiduo . net, Ventilation Shaft, Le Ciel Place, Jadeduo's site; anywhere else, please ask.  
**Pairings:** 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5  
**Rating:** R  
**Category:** Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai, Language, Crossover, AU

**Disclaimers: Mako:** Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. **Jo:** Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture. **Mako:** I don't care what you say, they can't have my dog. MINE!

**A/N: Mako: **Oi, it's entirely my fault this time that the chapter got delayed so badly. I moved… TWICE, got a dog, switched shifts and forgot what an online life was about. All complaints and yelling can be directed at me this time. No blaming the Jo-chan. **Jo:** I thought the A/N's that we wrote said it WAS my fault... those notes we're replacing with this? **Mako:** Yes, see, at first, it was your fault, and then, I dropped off the face of the planet for a few months. Therefore, my fault. **Jo:** Oh good. Just making sure. **Mako:** Yes, they get to yell at me now. (Sigh) I have no idea what happened to me this time around. Do you believe that my muses even abandoned me in the interim? **Jo:** Yes. I saw them in the Virgin Islands. They may as well have had margaritas on IV. **Mako:** (pout) Darned buggers got blitzed without me. That's it! I'm on strike again. **Jo:** Oh yeah. They were blitzed, all right. Poured them out of the hammock myself. **Mako:** (growls as she looks for her dumb muses that are having fun without her) Have I mentioned lately how much I hate them? Can I leave them for Chris now**? Jo:** Not unless he's got muse credentials, which I doubt, considering that he isn't a sadistic paranormal myth incarnate... **Mako:** No, but he -is- cute. Isn't that part of the deal too? **Jo:** No, "cute" applies to bishonen, small children, small animals, and stuffed toys as well. It isn't a qualifier. **Mako:** (pout) Oh well, still have him anyway... (Looks around) Aren't we supposed to be writing something again? **Jo:** We are? **Mako:** (looks at the mob gathering) Yeah, I think we are. Are those pitchforks and whips? Is it too late to call in scared? **Jo:** I would say... never. (Calls in scared, goes chibi, and darts under bed) **Mako:** (calls in terrified, turns chibified, and hides in Asuka-chama's hair) Ficcage shall ensue! (Points to chapter) **Jo:** On with the fic!

**Episode Nine – Temperatures Risan**

_Captain's log, stardate 43067.8: The Dread Pirate Roberts -- as our benefactor would prefer to be chronicled as, for security reasons -- has returned us to the relative safety of Federation space, and left for parts unknown... much to the extremely vocal relief of our engineer. _

_The Gundam has returned to relative peace, by our security officer's standards, and we are enroute to one of our contacts on Risa to make a delivery. While there, the crew will be taking some downtime, and we'll work on Heero's socialization._

_Captain's log, supplemental: Duo's finally emerged from the depths of the engine room and allowed himself to be disarmed. The ship has suffered little structural damage from the Dread Pirate Roberts' visit -- despite the clashes with Duo -- and he and Wufei have made up. Trowa has been extremely considerate of the psychic backlash from this recurring event, and added a half-dose of all-purpose painkiller to the replicator's morning coffee programs. On Duo's suggestion -- and against Wufei's protests -- we are going to Risa. One of Duo's contacts makes his headquarters there. He has better lines to the right people in Starfleet, and we won't run the risk of having Heero confiscated._

_Risa is probably the safest place to begin exposing Heero to more of civilization than just us. I just hope Duo knows what he's doing..._

"See, 'Ro, isn't it beautiful?" Duo said, draping one arm casually around the Borg's neck as they stood on the edge of the cargo hold, looking out at the vacation planet, Risa. A wind picked up and blew through the palm trees and the sound of waves crashing on the white sand could be heard even from where they stood.

"It is very..." Heero seemed at a loss, "... M-class."

Duo sighed and pulled the other closer just a bit, giving him his best forlorn look. "Heero… Heero… Heero… What am I going to do with you?"

"I do not know. Human behaviors are only predictable en masse."

"So, I'm a human behavior now, am I?" The human tried to make it sound like he was upset by the comment, but only succeeded in sounding a bit intrigued.

"You are human. A crowd of humans is predictable. A single human is not."

Before Duo could answer, Wufei stomped in, wearing the traditional old-Earth costume that had been imported to Risa centuries ago: a pair of swim trunks that left most of the thigh bare, and a type of loose sandal known as a 'flip-flop'. He was scowling fit to kill someone.

Unconsciously, Duo licked his lips at the sight his lover presented and pulled Heero even closer. "So… 'Fei, gonna do any… swimming?" His voice was a bit low and a wicked gleam flashed in his eyes as he continued to stare.

"NO."

"Too bad," Duo purred, moving so he could touch Wufei, but just barely. "I'd love to see you… wet."

"As your ancestors used to say: Deal," Wufei snapped, crossing his arms over his chest, visibly seething... and 'seething' for a Klingon was 'homicidally enraged' in almost any other species.

Duo pouted cutely, even if he would never admit that it was, and shrugged it off after a few seconds of moping. "Oh well…" He then took off his pants and shirt, only to reveal that he was attired similarly to Wufei. "I am. Come on, 'Ro. I bet you can swim in those spandex shorts."

"He may not," Trowa stated, entering the bridge with a bundle in his arms. "The seas of this planet have too high a salt content; it will aggravate his skin. He may swim in the distilled pools, but not the human-traditional, the spiced or scented pools, or any of the hot springs."

Quatre came out, dressed in swim trunks, a t-shirt, sandals, a hat, and sunglasses, and carrying a towel and book. He had a splotch of zinc-oxide on his nose. "Well, sounds like he'll be hanging out with me this afternoon then."

Duo blinked for a few minutes, his mouth hanging open as he gawked at the Betazoid. Then, after he got over the initial viewing, he started to laugh so hard he had to hold his sides. "Oh… Q… If you could… just see yourself," he wheezed between massive chuckles.

Trowa opened the bundle, revealing it to be a long-sleeved mesh garment -- a cover-up, one of the rarest of proper garments in Risan culture -- a wide-brimmed hat similar to Quatre's, a spray bottle, and a silvery metal wristband similar to a watch. The faceplate had a tiny, flashing red light in the center. "These will prevent sunburn," he said simply. "Your body hasn't yet regenerated much of the dermal pigmentation your genes code for. The radiation will stimulate it, but it will also burn if you do not take the necessary precautions at first."

Quatre readjusted the brim of his hat and fixed a lovely glare on the breathless engineer. "And what, pray tell, is exactly wrong with how I look?" His voice was one of cool superiority mixed with just a hint of annoyance.

"Nothing, Q-ball. Nothing at all. Except we're on Risa." By that time, Duo had managed to contain his laughter only to minor patches of chuckles.

Quatre shrugged, not seeing the significance of Duo's statement. "Yes, I know that, Duo. I happen to burn easily. Besides, unlike some here, I believe in being covered most of the time."

Duo looked at the barely dressed Wufei again before turning back to Quatre. "I  
think our definitions of 'covered' differ, Q-man. Anyway... I'm going to go call Howie soon, and I'm taking 'Ro with me. Any objections?"

"Yes!" Wufei snapped automatically. Taking the Borg along? Out of the question.

The engineer sighed. He should have seen this one coming. "Oh? Care to share, 'Fei?"

"Where _should_ I begin?" Wufei asked dryly.

"The unit is Borg," Heero recited. "The unit is hostile. The unit is a threat. The unit is an honourless, mangy, unnatural, mechanized, rabid _targ_--"

Duo and Quatre blinked before both beginning to laugh at the Klingon. "He's got you down perfect, Wufei," the captain blurted out before laughing again.

"HE DOES NOT!"

"--the unit is programmed to take advantage of any weakness--"

"THAT'S ENOUGH, BOR--" Wufei caught a glimpse of Duo's glare out of the corner of his eye, "--Heero."

Heero stopped mid-word. Sickening. People didn't just shut their voices off like... computers given a mute command.

Duo continued to glare at Wufei and then took Heero's hand before snatching the bundle from Trowa. "If you need us, we'll be getting Heero ready," he said coldly, dragging the Borg behind him without a second glance at anyone else.

Doors on starships didn't slam, but Duo somehow managed to leave that impression anyways.

Quatre and Trowa pinned Wufei with cool looks.

Wufei glowered out across the too-bright plaza, arms crossed. _Warriors do not squint. No matter how bright the damn sun is_.

Duo scowled at his "protection" before smiling briefly at Heero. He walked over to the information kiosk and went nearly all the way around before he found the pay comm he was looking for. "Perfect," he said jovially, nearly skipping up to it and dialing in the code he'd memorized by heart.

He was rewarded by a gruff "What?" as his answer.

"Well, Howie, it's nice to see that your manners are as great as ever."

"You should talk, kid. What do you want?"

"Well... I just came to say hello to ya," Duo said, trying to think of how to word the request from Quatre.

"Bull. If you're here, come on, but leave the Klingon with the stick up his ass  
on that ship of yours."

Wufei leaned over fractionally, glaring into Howard's anachronistic sunglasses on the vidscreen. "Too late," he growled before snapping back upright, refocusing on The Borg.

"Terrific. And you brought the jerk. You owe me, Duo."

"I know, I know. I'll tell Sally you're interested next time I see her."

Howard seemed to start choking and turned red before giving Duo a very rude and  
ancient human gesture and hanging up.

"_Targ_," Wufei muttered under his breath, watching Heero. The Borg -- in his hat, cover-up, sunglasses, and sandals -- was staring neutrally at the lightly crowded plaza.

_Calculating targets_, a little voice inside Wufei spoke up.

_Confused and uncertain_, a much smaller voice tried to say. Wufei quickly stomped that one flat and buried it.

Duo turned to the other two with him. "I can't believe he flipped me off. The man has no sense of humor whatsoever anymore."

"He deals with you," Wufei felt obliged to point out. "That's proof of having one."

Duo narrowed his eyes at Wufei, still not ready to forgive him just yet. "Who asked you? Come on, Heero. Howard's place is only a few kilometers from here."

The Borg turned silently away from the plaza, falling into step behind Duo.

Approximately twenty minutes later, they were facing what appeared to be a very neglected base: a 'scrap yard' in old Earth terms. "Ah, it's just like I never left." Duo held out an arm to stop Heero. "Um, Heero, if you don't know what it does, don't touch it, 'kay?"

Heero looked down at Duo's arm, barely brushing his torso, and sucked in his stomach. "Affirmative."

The human quirked an eyebrow before moving his arm and punching all the buttons on the keypad next to the gate.

"GODDAMMIT, DUO! Don't do that!" Howard's voice reached them before he did and  
by the time he was in sight, his face and balding head were red. "Stupid kid. Get in here." His head whipped around to take in the Borg and Klingon. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Howie, this is Heero. Heero, this is Howard. He's normally not this grumpy, but we ruined his beauty sleep, looks like."

Wufei snorted.

Heero looked blandly at Howard. "Indeed."

"Smart ass," Howard snarled. "All of you, get your butts in here and don't let the locals catch you standing here."

"You sound like you're ashamed of me, Howie." Duo gave a mock pout with a few crocodile tears for added effect.

"Stop calling me that, Duo. And I have every right to be ashamed of you, but you know I'm not." A quick glance at Wufei had the older man sneering. "It's him that's the real pain, though."

Wufei growled. "I could _show_ you real pain, ol..." A sharp elbow to his ribs shut him up.

Duo grinned as he pulled his arm back. "Anyway, Q needs a favor."

"What kind of favor? And how in the hell did you get yourself a Borg and not get assimilated?"

"Long story and Heero's not a full Borg. Tro took all the unnecessary hardware off. He's kinda like... A human with no personality and some cosmetic surgery."

"Riiiight. Come into my office, you three."

They walked through the large piles of scrapped ships and other things to a building that was in the back, hidden safely from the eyes of all the vacationers on the planet. Inside, there was a spacious and clean common room, filled with Howard's crew, who called themselves Sweepers. They walked down the hallway to a door at the end, opening up into a very comfortable office. Howard took a seat at his desk and waited for the others to sit before starting back up.

"What's Winner want this time?"

Duo sighed as he proceeded to get comfortable on the couch across from the desk. "Not so much as what Q wants, but Mariemaia."

"I'm listening."

"So's he," Wufei snarled, jerking his head at Heero. "Maxwell, he isn't cleared for this."

Heero's eyes flicked to Duo behind the sunglasses.

Duo sighed heavily. "Hey, Heero, can you go out to the common room for a bit? I'll come get you when we're done."

Heero nodded stiffly, then spun on his heel and walked out. The door (not the usual automatic style, but an ancient hinged type) fell shut behind him with a clang.

The braided man turned towards his lover with a very dangerous look. "Happy now?"

Wufei met Duo's eyes just long enough to show he wasn't cowed, and then turned away. "Almost. I'll be outside." _Standing guard_, he didn't add.

Duo sighed again as Wufei left the room. "So, where was I?"

"What's his problem?" Howard looked amused, but he was annoyed with the Klingon's behaviour as well.

"Jealousy," Duo muttered before sitting up straight. "Okay, about this favor. It involves Treize and the Federation..."

Commercial  
(A goggle-eyed face fills the screen, cybernetic pupils focusing right on the screen. After a half-second, the view zooms out slightly, showing an old man with long, gray hair and a receding hairline sitting before a blank screen.)

"Is your hair limp? Dull? Dingy? Gods forbid... gray?" a cool female voice over asks.

(A grasping, mechanical hand comes into view, brushing at a lock of the old man's  
hair. )

"No more, with Pilot Pro-V!"

(The view cuts away to off-white bottles of shampoo, rolling across a dewy tiled  
countertop.)

"Pilot Pro-V," the voice over continues. (A series of pictures flashes onto the screen: a young man with long blond hair, a younger man with thick, light brown hair falling across his face, another with a long, thick braid of a slightly darker shade; a Chinese man with a short, sleek ponytail.) "Specially formulated for your hair type. Try it today."

End Commercial

Quatre looked up from his book at Trowa, who was sitting in the lounge chair next to him by one of the many public pools on Risa. "I wonder how Duo, Wufei and Heero are getting along right now. I'm not sure if it was a good idea to let the three of them head out together."

"It was the most logical option," Trowa replied calmly, taking a long drink of water. Risa was not as hot or as bright as Vulcan, but the humidity was less than optimal for him.

The Betazoid shrugged, readjusting the brim of his wide hat. "Logical is not really what I would have called that. I think that Wufei would have followed anyway."

"Indeed," Trowa agreed. "The dynamics between our three crewmates are most intriguing."

Quatre smiled. "Intriguing for you, maybe. Painful for me since Heero joined us."

Trowa's gaze flicked over to Quatre. "I was unaware their heightened emotional states were so distressing. Should I prescribe meditative therapy?" Chemical medicines could only do so much.

"There are other treatments that would be much more pleasurable." The grin spoke volumes about what was on the blond's mind.

Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Convenient that we are on a planet that encourages such treatments." More than encouraged: there were no public indecency laws. "It has been a remarkably long time since we underwent such treatment in an oceanic environment."

"And even longer that we've been completely alone at all. What do you say about taking advantage of this time?"

If Trowa had been anything but Vulcan, he would've cracked a knowing little smile. As it was, he merely glanced in the direction of a well-tended little grove and extended a hand to Quatre.

Quatre took his hand and stood, shedding his sunglasses and hat while doing so. He wasted no time in trying to drag his taller lover over to said grove.

Nature's oldest therapeutic technique was only improved by sunshine and fresh air, Trowa thought, idly analyzing both his physical state and Quatre's as they rinsed the residue of their exertions away using a conveniently-located nearby stream. The Betazoid seemed more relaxed than he had since long before Heero had come aboard, and the only differing variable was indeed the psychological benefits of outdoor mating. Humanoids simply hadn't evolved to perform indoors.

Quatre all but skipped back to the lounge chairs, but he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw their things in chairs other than the ones they had vacated. In fact, the ones they had previously been sitting in were now occupied by a cute blonde girl and her entourage of men, who looked more paranoid than Wufei and definitely were more out of place on Risa than the Klingon.

Trowa paused behind Quatre, casting his eyes over the guards. Capellans: definitely not a species to antagonize. He stepped forward to gather their things from the new chairs, and a guard stepped in his way.

"Those are our belongings," Trowa said flatly, pointing. The guard slapped his arm away.

The girl sat up and looked at the newcomers with a bright smile. "Don't mind A'llun. You are perfectly welcome to sit there," she said, cutting a dark glare at the guard. "My name is Relena Peacecraft. What are your names?"

Quatre eyed the guard as well before turning to greet the girl. "I am Quatre Winner of Betazed, and this is Trowa."

"Delighted to meet you," she chirped. "Please, do sit down."

It would have been illogical to refuse the invitation, so Trowa set their belongings on a double-wide lounge and sat, inclining his head politely at the girl.

Relena blinked for a moment before smiling again. "You're Vulcan, right? I used to know a Vulcan back home. Oh, home for me is Ventax **1**. Have you ever been there? It's beautiful, and so peaceful. You really should see it. I'm here on vacation. Risa has the most beautiful beaches, but nothing can beat Ventax for scenery. Don't you think?"

Quatre made to at least answer one of the girl's questions, but no sooner had he attempted when she started back up with her diarrhea of the mouth.

"So, what are you doing here? Vacationing? What do you do? Do you have any more friends? I'm having a party tonight because it is my birthday."

Trowa opened his mouth to answer, but Relena plowed on.

"Or as close as you can get what with different day lengths for every planet. My grandfather told me all about the strange days he had when he was an ambassador... Ambassador Narendra Pargan Peacecraft. Like there was the planet where a day cycle lasted two Terran weeks, can you imagine?"

Quatre shook his head, amazed that they had finally found someone who could out-do Duo and Hilde when they were having one of their little 'talks'. And still, Relena continued.

"You know, ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be like my grandfather. He was so wise and did so many great things. Do you think that I will be able to? I bet I will. At least, that's what Mother always says. Father is decidedly closed-lipped about my grandfather. Of course, Grandfather never approved of their arrangement, but such are things sometimes..."

She sighed dramatically before running a hand through her long hair. "So, tell me about yourselves."

Trowa glanced at Quatre. "We are two of a five-crew merchant ship," he said succinctly.

Relena perked up a bit. "Are you all male?"

"Indeed."

"That sounds like it would be fun. Traveling the universe without any worries." She seemed to look around a bit, ignoring the looks that she was getting from her guards. "So, where are the other members of your crew?"

"They went to visit a friend."

"Ah, how great that sounds. You know, the five of you should come to my party tonight. I would love to meet your friends." Before Quatre could politely decline, Duo showed up with Heero and Wufei right behind him.

"I said I don't want to hear it, Wufei. It's bad enough that 'Ro's dressed up like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, thanks to Tro. I'm not going to listen to you badmouth him while he's right here."

"I am NOT 'badmouthing' the creature--!"

"My designation is not 'the creature'."

Trowa turned to Relena. "Those would be our crewmates. Perhaps it would be wise to reconsider," he pointed out.

Relena gave a confused look to the Vulcan before re-examining the newcomers. Her eyes latched onto the one that had spoken last. "They don't seem to be harmful. Did the first one refer to the last as Heero? What an interesting name..." Her voice had taken on a slightly dreamy tone as she continued to stare. "Can I meet them?"

Duo heard the last line and caught the stupid look on the girl's face before smirking. "I'm sure you're able, lady. The question would be are you ready to meet us." He held out his hand, ignoring the glares from both Wufei and the guard that had hit Trowa. "Name's Duo Maxwell, of Earth."

Relena shook his hand daintily. "Relena Peacecraft, Ventax."

Wufei's glare flicked away from the guards for all of a second. He sneered wordlessly, dismissing her as a threat, then returned to suspiciously glaring at Heero and the guards equally.

Duo raised an eyebrow at the girl. "Ventax. Cool place."

"You've been?" Relena asked. She looked at her guards again and sighed. "Well, I must go. Every one of you must come to my birthday party tonight. It's at the large public pool this evening. I will expect all five of you to come." She stood and smiled, taking a closer look at Heero for a minute before being swept away by her entourage and disappearing out of sight.

Freed of the guards' presence, Wufei turned to glower at Quatre and Trowa, disbelief dripping from his voice. "Did a Ventaxian just invite five complete strangers to a party?"

Quatre sighed. "Yes, and that, unfortunately, is quite common amongst their race."

Duo snickered. "Yeah, but their parties always suck. Soooooooo boring."

"We are not going, then," Wufei concluded.

"Parties are irrelevant," Heero agreed.

Quatre shook his head. "It's impolite not to show up after the initial offering. She didn't let me refuse. Now, we have to go or it'd be a sign of extreme rudeness."

"In other words, what Q is trying to say is that we're stuck going," Duo said, shaking his head.

"Absolutely not," Wufei and Heero chorused. Wufei glared at Heero, who stared back in complete, machinelike ignorance.

"Actually, you -are- going." Quatre's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "If I have to go, so do you."

The two of them stared at Quatre. "You do not have to go," Heero said. "Rude is irrelevant."

_I can't believe I'm agreeing with the Borg._ "She did not allow you the chance to refuse. It is dishonorable."

"Yes, you're right, but she's the granddaughter of Ambassador Narendra Pargan Peacecraft," the captain stated, somehow regretting his little foray into the forest with Trowa now.

Duo let out a low whistle. "Important little chick. No wonder she was surrounded by all the suits."

"Irrelevant," Heero repeated stubbornly.

"You're going. That's final," Quatre stated. "And an order," he added for Wufei's benefit.

Wufei and Heero scowled.

**Notes:**

**1 **Ventaxians are the humanoid race from the peaceful world of Ventax II. Ventaxian technology is somewhat behind modern standards, probably since the Ventaxian people have minimal interest in spaceflight. They have a very peaceful, clean world that is the result of a 1000 year improvement plan called the "Contract of Ardra." http / cage . p . tripod . com / v . htm (Take out the spaces)


	10. A Festive Interlude

**Title:** Star Trek - Gundam Episode 10 – A Festive Interlude  
**Authors:** JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname AT AOL. com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto _ sagara 1 AT yahoo. com)  
**Archive:** The usual suspects; anywhere else, please ask first.  
**Pairings:** 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5  
**Rating:** Mature  
**Category:** Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai, Language, Fusion, AU

**Disclaimers: Mako:** Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^ **Jo:** Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture. **Mako:** I don't care what you say, they can't have my dog. MINE!

**A/N: Mako: ** (Peeks out of lurkerdom and sighs.) Yes, still alive, I think. **Jo:** Braaaaaaaaaaaains. (Zombie.)** Mako: **Ano… Yeah, well, while I go find some holy water for my co-author… Let's get this show on the road, right? Where were we? Risa, ne? Sun, surf, and Relena. Ew! **Jo:** Braaaaains? (Finds chocolate bunny left over from Easter. CHOMP!!) Not Relena's fault she's early-eps Relena. Introducing herself to thin air, anyone?

**Episode Ten – A Festive Interlude**

Duo stepped out of the sonic shower and sighed, grabbing his towel before it fell on the floor. Wufei hadn't moved from the chair, and he still had his arms crossed in defiance. "So, who knew that I was sleeping with such a pouty child?" Wufei growled as eloquently as any full-blooded Klingon. "Yeah, and that's worked since when? You'd better get a shower and dressed too. You know that Q's gonna just come in here and drag you out anyway. Like he said, going to the party is an -order-."

"It is unworthy of him." Snarl, snap, growl. A sulky Klingon would drive any normal man off in seconds. Luckily, nobody aboard the Gundam was normal.

"Right, so, hypothetically, you'd let me go by myself so I could meet someone interesting for the night?" Duo was only half-teasing as he slipped on his black board shorts. When on Risa, it wasn't uncommon for even very happy couples to find others to share a few hours, or days, with.

Wufei boiled up out of his chair, snatched the (very small) pile of clothing from their bed, and stormed into the bathroom to shower. The door barely slid open in time, and closed smoothly behind him.

Duo snickered silently as he ran a brush through his long hair and gave the mirror a very pleased smile as he began the soothing braiding process. When he was finished with that, he put on an extremely nice blue cotton button down shirt; one that the salesgirl had assured him matched his eyes. "'Fei, I'm gonna go help Heero get ready. Meet you in the Hold before we leave?"

A grouchy rumble, muffled by the door and the sonic shower, answered that.

"Uh huh. Love you too," Duo shouted as he left the room. He walked through the small ship until he reached the Sick Bay, where Trowa was examining the former Borg, yet again, and making notes in the datapad. "So, Doc, is he ready to be released for the evening?"

"By medical definition, yes," Trowa replied. "It is necessary to mention that his socialization skills remain far below standard for all known races."

"Well, we let Wufei out in public, so Heero shouldn't be much of a difference, right?" Duo looked at the half-naked boy and smiled. "So, Heero, how do you feel now? Ready to get down and mingle with other people?"

Heero turned a blank look on Duo. "'Get down' is a nonsensical phrase in this context. Elaborate."

Duo sighed heavily. "God, you really kill slang, dontcha? Hm, 'kay, 'get down' means to enjoy yourself at a party." He paused to make sure that was it. "Yeah, I guess that's the closest to a logical explanation I can give ya."

Heero's expression remained blank, almost edging towards bewildered. "Enjoyment is irrelevant."

"Um, no. That's the point of a party, 'Ro, buddy. Trowa, help me out here!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow, tapped a sequence on his datapad, and handed it to Heero. "A summary of the medical and psychological benefits of pleasant leisure time. I'll upload the articles for you to read after the party."

"My God! Don't any of you people know how to have fun without making it seem logical?" He looked at the other two and shook his head. "Forget it. I'm going to the Cargo Hold." He wasn't surprised to find Quatre waiting by the exit, arms crossed expectantly over his chest. "We are surrounded by men without a sense of humour, oh Fearless Leader."

"And you've known this for how long, Duo? I thought you were aware that you were the humour factor on this ship," Quatre said coolly, although not unsympathetic to Duo's frustrations.

"Yeah, I did, but… God, they're all so freaking logical. I had to explain what 'get down' was to Heero, and when Trowa tried to help, he downloaded -articles- about the benefits of 'pleasant leisure time'. It makes it sound so dirty." The braided man shuddered in disgust and crossed his arms over his chest as well.

As if to punctuate this, Heero's voice came floating through the still-open Infirmary doors. "The Borg artificially stimulate production of endorphins. It is an efficient process. Explain the advantages of 'leisure'."

"Argh! I am not. Quatre can handle that one!" Duo yelled. "I need to get out of here. Between Wufei pouting and the other two being so damn boring, I'm about to lose my mind."

"Or what's left of it," Quatre added.

"Ugh, and now you're making fun of me. Look, I'm going outside for some fresh air. If anyone needs me, don't." With that, Duo jabbed the code to release the airlock on the hold's doors and stepped out.

Snickering, Quatre called out, "You have five minutes before I charge you all with mutiny and lock you in the brig for a week."

------------------------------------------

Relena looked around the beautiful hotel's public pool and grimaced. They still weren't there, and she was so looking forward to meeting them again. The blond was nice, and the very handsome Vulcan he was with was rather polite. Of course, the girl couldn't help but notice that they were all rather attractive in their own ways although the one they called "Heero" couldn't be seen very well under the hat, sunglasses, and long clothing. She hoped that they'd take the time to dress so she could admire them more. Even if she was the heiress of a diplomatic family, Relena was still a woman.

Everyone else that she'd invited had shown, and they were currently mingling well. However, they were all boring politicians and friends of her family. There wasn't a soul there that excited her.

Heero took one look at the bright lights, the noisy crowds of people that were-not-them, the glimpse of long blond hair and pink, and turned on his heel. A pathway at a vector of -2,3 from his previous orientation angled between two specimens of _Hibiscus tiliaceus risa_. The shriveled red petals lay lightly on the dirt, evidence that no biological units had used the path to escape the Relena unit's party.

It would be a suitable location in which to store himself until the festivity process was complete. Heero headed down the path to the beach.

Duo was having a great time meeting all of the Federation elite at the party. While they weren't his normal crowd, he was certainly picking up some very juicy gossip that he'd have to share with Hilde the next time he spoke to her. However, the constant death glare from his Klingon lover was a little more than he could take. After all, how could he enjoy the party with that aimed at him? Determined to solve his problem, Duo sashayed his way through the crowd, smirking as a few women (and even a few of the men) let their hands graze his thighs. "Fei, love, you need to lighten up some," he purred into the other man's ear.

"I will 'lighten up'," Wufei growled, "when I can remove the Peacecraft's presence from my vicinity." His fist tightened on the untouched cup of punch in his hand, but some bright spark had given him one made of transparent aluminum; it didn't so much as creak in his grip.

Duo raised one eyebrow at the cup spilling punch onto Wufei's hand and sighed. "Well, that's not going to happen for a while. Anyway, what's your problem with Relena? I mean, besides her odd stares at Heero, I don't think there's anything wrong with the spoiled airhead." He took that moment to look around for the Borg. "Speaking of... Have you seen 'Ro anywhere lately?"

Wufei's glare was going to give him a roaring headache. "The Peacecraft, disgusting name aside, is the granddaughter of an ambassador," _not even a proper one who was still a warrior_, "whose greatest achievement was convincing the Klingons to give up her home world, Ventax II." _Which was a world that turned out almost nothing but monks, nuns, and pretty postcards of its own scenery_. "As for the machine, he snuck off the instant he got within sight of the party."

Duo gave the Klingon his own special glare, one that usually meant Wufei's only friend for the next week would be his hand. "Go. Find. Heero. Now," he said through a clenched jaw as he walked off to help find Heero as well.

Wufei was a valiant warrior. Brave. Strong. Proud. Many species (all the disrespectable ones) would say masochistically suicidal. So he was NOT, under any circumstances, meekly heading off to the path that he'd seen Heero take just half an hour before. Nor was he grumbling under his breath like a proverbial Terran fishwife's henpecked husband. Nor was he noticing how very like a well-sculpted statue Heero looked, standing on the beach under the quarter moons and ignoring the tide lapping at his sandals.

"I see you've not been kidnapped and dismantled yet," Wufei snapped.

"No, I am still as I was. Is there some reasonable explanation as to why I should not be?" the Borg asked as he turned his head only to look at the newcomer.

"Paranoia," Wufei replied, crossing his arms. "Duo's, to be precise. Which sent me out here to _babysit_," he spat.

"Babysit? That is rather illogical. I am neither a child, nor am I in need of someone to watch my every move."

Wufei snorted. "Have you _met_ Duo?" he asked snidely. "Don't answer that, it's rhetorical. He wants you protected," as if a Borg couldn't break the necks of anybody who bothered it, "so protected you shall be. Until Quatre and Duo come to their senses and foist you off on one of those fool government rehab facilities." And with that, Wufei plunked down in the sand to wait for the night to get itself over with.

"I do not require protection. However, from what I have read, sitting in the sand is not the most logical thing to do."

"And standing in the surf is _so_ much more so," Wufei drawled. _Idiot._

Heero glanced down at his feet, as if just now noticing the waves lapping at his toes. He stepped back, shook water off his foot, then set it down and paused. He lifted that foot again, an almost blank confusion flitting across his face.

_Hmph. Little fool machine didn't like sand sticking to his feet, did he?_ Wufei smirked from his spot wisely above the tide line. "Next time, don't get wet."

The sound of someone crashing through the foliage and the giggling that followed swallowed up Heero's reply. And what happened next was a bit daunting for the ex-Borg.

"Oh, Heero! You are here," Relena squealed. "I was so worried that the others had hidden you somewhere. How are you enjoying the party?"

Heero paused for a full seventeen nanoseconds, formulating two potential replies, processing them with Duo and Quatre's directives, and discarding them when they contradicted said directives. He settled on, "Pleasure is the objective of the event."

Relena giggled coquettishly. "That's so droll, Heero." She looked over at the other man. "Oh, sorry. I forgot your name. Wu something, right?"

"Yes." Which was worse, seeming to offer his name or having the Peacecraft mangle it? "Chang Wufei." Hopefully she'd guess his personal name using Federation Standard, rather than his Terran parent's Chinese, and he could emerge with some personal dignity intact.

"Right. I hope you're enjoying yourself as well," she said distractedly. The moonlight reflecting off of something metallic in Heero's direction brought to the girl's attention to the anomalies to his appearance. Reaching up, she barely brushed her fingers against them. "Are these medical implants? They're quite unusual. Who's the manufacturer? I do hope they're up to current standards-- oh, but I'm being rude, I'm sure their unique construction means they surpass the Federation's requirements--"

"They're Borg," Heero replied, scowling but not flinching away from the girl.

". . . I'm sorry, did you just say...? Oh, wow, I had no idea... you must be really far along in your rehabilitation! What group are you with?"

"This unit is Heero of the Gundam."

Relena's face fell into a look of utter dismay. ""This unit"..? Heero, how long have you been free from the collective?"

"Twenty-seven point three days."

"Twen... What? How are you getting adequate treatment?" She turned to look at the half-Klingon. "What are you monsters doing with him? Why isn't he in a Federation-run program?"

Wufei gave the girl a look that would stop a charging wild _targ_ in its tracks. "Aside from the fact that this is the first Federation world we've been on since finding him?" _Monsters_. Ancestors preserve him from Ventaxian fanatics. "I have yet to figure that one out myself. Feel free to ask Quatre or Duo if you find them, though." They'd twist her into little Mobius knots and spit her out.

"I believe I shall," she stated huffily, grabbing one of Heero's arms as she started to walk back to the hotel and the party. Before she got very far, however, an old man being followed by a girl in chains stopped her progress.

"Ah, there's the Birthday Girl," he said, a cold smile gracing his wrinkled face. "I can see that you are certainly enjoying what this planet has to offer, Relena."

"Duke Dermail, I trust you're in good health," she managed diplomatically, barely able to keep the disgust she felt out of her voice.

"As well as can be expected. However, I'm not at the leisure to sightsee for very long, unlike you, my dear." He laughed at his own joke. It was then that he noticed Heero being dragged along. "And what an interesting toy you seem to have found for the evening. Where ever did you find him?"

"He is a member of a ship currently docked here," the girl muttered, noticing how damaging this could be if word got around that she was cavorting with common space freighters.

"Ah, well, don't let me keep you from your amusement," the older man said with a secretive smile. He yanked on his captive's chains. "Come, Dorothy."

"Explain the difference in your octave and speech patterns when communicating with that human," Heero asked when the man had disappeared.

"Oh dear..." Relena touched a hand to her face in embarrassment._ If even poor Heero had noticed, with effectively no socialization skills at all..._ "It's nothing of importance. Now about your rehabilitation, why don't you help me find your ship's captain?" So she could take him to the side and explain, in very small words considering a freight shipper couldn't be all that well-educated, how to go about putting Heero in a proper Federation program where he could get the help he needed.

Heero calculated the girl's trajectory, then her grip on his arm, and broke free with no more force than necessary, as that would be inefficient. "Designation Quatre Winner, species Betazoid, 1.63 units of human measurement designation 'metric', hair designation 'blon--'"

"She's met the guy," Wufei interrupted. He'd watched as Dermail left, making sure he wasn't attempting to return-- not that it was likely, considering that the Orion slave girl was probably the only way a human that old would be able to enjoy Risa's reputation. _Disgusting pervert_. But now he had to put up with the damned machine. "She doesn't need a description. And Peacecraft--" Why he wasn't letting the Peacecraft take it away? It wasn't his problem if she let it loose among a horde of unsuspecting, drunken weakling partygoers... oh. "What sort of idiot are you to throw him into a massive crowd without so much as a day in a Federation program?" Use her own argument against her. Hah.

"But he can't possibly--" She stopped short. "I mean, he--"

Wufei felt his lips curl up, baring his teeth. He was pretty sure it wasn't a smirk. "Shock therapy was debunked centuries ago. And I doubt you're qualified to make that decision."

Relena wavered between indignation and the unusual feeling of getting back at the Klingon as much as she possibly could. Gripping the Borg's arm once again, she then crossed her arms over her chest. "Hmmph! I'll just stay with him and make sure everyone knows he's hardly had any socialization and to be gentle."

Heero glanced down at the girl's offending appendage and calculated how much force she was exerting with the hold. It would require more effort on his part than the last time to break free, but it could also mean hurting the Ventaxian. "Permission to terminate?" he asked Wufei calmly.

The Klingon's face flashed between delight, anger, and deep thought before he smoothed it into a look of complacent humor. The sound of footprints on the sand did nothing to break his mood.

"While I'm sure that it would be amusing to 'Fei, and maybe even me, that's not advisable. I doubt that Q would love the idea of having to haul out of another port in as many days," Duo said as he joined his crewmates.

"…Heero, dear, I don't think you've quite gotten the hang of humor yet," Relena simpered, patting the arm that she held captive. "But it's sweet that you tried."

Duo turned to Wufei to see a look of astonished disbelief that quickly changed into one of extreme annoyance. "Is she really that dumb, 'Fei?" the Terran whispered to his cranky lover.

"The species is like your Terran "lemming"."

"You mean those rodents that throw themselves off cliffs?" Duo paused to look at the girl as she tried to convince Heero to walk away with her, unsuccessfully. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Why don't you ask Duo if you can terminate or incapacitate the Relena unit, Heero?" Wufei said after watching the spectacle the girl was creating.

"Affirmative," the ex-Borg replied, turning his attention to Duo, who was trying his hardest not to begin laughing out loud. Of course, none of this was lost on the Ventaxian.

"Mr. Chang, that's not funny! And that's why none of you are suited to reintegrating poor Heero!"

"Look, Sweetheart," Duo cut in, all humor aside, "back down off your high horse and think about what you want to do. It's enough that he's even able to communicate with us without trying assimilate everything in sight."

Heero gave Duo and Wufei a puzzled look. "You are this unit's predecessors in the Gundam."

Duo let out a rather large exasperated sigh. "I have a migraine. I'm going somewhere else. 'Fei, you bring him back in one piece."

"And with everything else equally intact, I presume?" Wufei asked, nearly chipper from the squawks of indignation coming from the girl.

"YES!" Duo yelled, stomping off and muttering the words open bar and alcohol.

"You wouldn't dare harm Heero, Mr. Chang," Relena said, finally regaining some of her composure at the mention of anyone possibly hurting -her- Heero. However, the look the Klingon gave made her second guess talking to him as she just had.

"It would be dishonorable." _To attack him for no reason – not to mention Duo's reaction – but to take apart the damned bucket of bolts if he went on a rampage…. Oh yeah, that would be totally kosher, as the Terrans say. _"Please remove yourself from the Borg so that I might take him back to our ship." His voice implied the 'or else', and he was pleased to see the twit respond in a timely manner. He watched her depart with an obnoxious wave of her fingers and a promise to meet up again later – but not in the direction of the party, as she should have. She was heading the same way the old man and Orion slave had gone.

-------------------------------

Quatre walked down the beach, closely followed by Trowa, hoping to find a part of one of the many public spaces not already taken up by some drunken, fondling couple. It was proving to be most difficult as Relena's birthday party seemed to have been attended by everyone on Risa, and a few that had arrived just for the occasion. A while ago, they'd passed an older gentleman whom a pretty blonde Orion slave was creeping away from, but it didn't strike either of them as that important.

The Betazoid stopped as he sensed the party's hostess nearby. Sneaking as he had learned from Duo, he moved over to a copse of exotic flowers and spotted the Ventaxian in the arms of the Orion girl he'd seen earlier.

"Isn't that our hostess?" Trowa asked quietly as he joined the smaller man. "It would seem that her species isn't immune to Orion pheromones."

"…Is her species immune to empathy?" Quatre asked with a confused look that caused Trowa to quirk an eyebrow.

"I was under the impression that you'd managed to sense her before."

"I have, but… There's something off going on down there…"

"Off?"

"…I'll explain on the ship," the blond said, pulling the Vulcan in the direction of the Gundam.


	11. Trailing Annoyances

**Title:** Star Trek - Gundam Episode 11 – Trailing Annoyances  
**Authors:** JoIsBishMyoga () and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1 yahoo. com)  
**Archive:** The usual suspects; anywhere else, please ask first.  
**Pairings:** 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5  
**Rating:** Mature  
**Category:** Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai, Language, Fusion, AU

**Disclaimers: Mako:** Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^ **Jo: **Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture. **Mako:** I have a brother I'm sure I could spare, if they're interested.

**A/N: Mako:** Blah, blah, blah. Long time, we know. We're sorry. Maybe. I haven't decided if I am yet. I enjoy writing, to be sure, but I don't like the pressure that I -have- to write, so I disappeared to do what I wanted for a while. Anyway, I poked Jo to get this started again. Yeah. **Jo:** I look like _Swiss cheese_. T^T owies. **Mako:** How? Er, you know what, I'll ask later. Oh, I lost 8 kilos. RAWR! **Jo:** I'd claim to have lost 8 kilos too, but it's all in _gaping bleeding poked holes._ So, what are we going to write tonight, brain? **Mako:** The same thing we write... No, wait, wrong plot device. *I'm* getting the hell away from Early-eps Relena! YAY! **Jo:** Oh thank gods. Can we set phasers to "smite upon thee" and begin firing on her now? **Mako:** Yes, please, please, please! I know that Duo and Wufei will be happy to see her go. So, shall we? **Jo:** On three! One... two... wait, I have a better idea. Let us start the story, and I'll show you.

**Symbols:** ~_blah~_ - either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech  
_blah_ - emphasized word  
*~*~*~* - Change of scene

**Episode Eleven: Trailing Annoyances**

Last time on Star Trek: Gundam – The crew of the Gundam were invited to Relena's birthday party on Risa. Heero and Trowa managed to ruin the concept of fun by being too logical, but somehow they made it to the beach party with little fanfare. Relena greeted her guests amicably enough at first, but when she became aware of Heero's status as a newly rescued Borg not in a Federation-run program, her fanaticism began to show. Duo and Wufei were left to put her in her place, much to their irritation, and Heero got a good look at a very slimy man called Dermail with his Orion slave girl. Unfortunately, later, Quatre and Trowa managed to find this Orion girl in a rather steamy embrace with the Ventaxian woman.

Dorothy sighed as the Ventaxian girl sobbed into her shoulder. Dermail had better be giving her a new pet or _something_ for dealing with this twit. Hiding an inner sneer, she put on a worried look and stroked the girl's blonde hair. "Now, now, what's wrong, Relena, sweetie? Did something happen?" Well, obviously _something_ happened. Relena wasn't usually hysterical from what she could remember. "Did one of those awful men do anything to you? And on your birthday too? Tell Doro everything and I'll make it all better."

The blonde girl looked up with large tears spilling from her blue eyes at the green-skinned girl. "Oh, Dorothy! It's so horrible. I met the most gorgeous creature ever, but he's a newly reclaimed Borg! And he's traveling with men that I can only assume are space pirates! They are absolutely vile! One of them is a Klingon and he *threatened* me!" She sniffled, putting her head back on the Orion's shoulder. "It gets worse. There's a human in the group too, and he told me that they haven't even bothered to look into putting Heero – that's his name. Isn't it wonderful? – into a Federation-run rehabilitation program! He actually insinuated that I was wrong!" She looked back up into the other girl's eyes. "I'm not wrong, am I?"

"Oh, no, Relena," Dorothy simpered, rubbing the girl's back again. "Those nasty, _nasty_ men are to blame. And I agree that I like the name Heero. It's very exotic."

"I just can't let them drag him around the universe with no socialization with normal beings. It would be too cruel!" Relena rubbed the tears from her eyes and pouted. "But what can I do?"

"No, we certainly can't let them do that," the Orion girl answered, her voice sounding miles away. "Besides, who knows what they'll really do? They might even decide to take him to one of those horrible black market slave auctions…"

"They wouldn't! Oh, Dorothy, do you think I should call the authorities?"

"Oh, honey, no, they'll be long gone by the time you manage to get anyone to listen to you about this. Especially at this hour, and on your birthday. Think of the commotion it would cause." Her tone became a little harder as she looked down at the Ventaxian. "But, my master and I are leaving Risa after your party. How about I try to keep an eye out for this handsome Borg of yours? What does he look like?"

"Oh, well, he's about five foot, six inches, chocolate brown hair, dark blue eyes, and a very unexpressive face. I believe he might have been Japanese, you know, one of those races from Earth that they make such a big deal out of nothing about."

"Well, he does sound rather attractive," Dorothy responded. "Okay, I'll keep an eye out for him, because you know, everyone ends up running into everyone else at space ports. And even if I don't see him, I might be able to find news to see if he's made it into a rehabilitation facility. And, who knows, *maybe* we'll be lucky enough that even if he does end up at auction, my master and I will be there to rescue him. I can _suggest_ that he be purchased, and then make sure he gets into a good place."

Relena's blue eyes were shining with a kind of adoration that Dorothy found repulsive in females, but she squashed it down as she held the other girl. "You'd do that?" Relena asked.

"Of course, Relena, because we're friends, right? I would offer something more, but I'm not really free to go traipsing after them across the universe, even if I could get my hands on a ship of my own."

"Oh, no, no, Dorothy, that's more than enough! I just wish that there was something more I could do!"

"Now," the Orion said with a sweet smile, "how about we head back out to the party? I'm sure that your guests are worried *sick* that you've been missing so long."

Duo looked up from his sixth drink in as many minutes and sighed. Slightly buzzed and that was it. What kind of cheap, watered down crap were they serving at this shindig? Draining the rest of the amber liquid, the human searched the area for the party's hostess. He should _probably_ apologize to the birthday girl for Wufei's behaviour. It wasn't like his Klingon was all that socialized either. I mean, Heero had an excuse. Wufei was just kinda anti-social, and he _had _been forced to attend a party he had no interest in.

He spotted the blond Ventaxian on the arm of a familiar Orion girl and blinked. 'Odd… I was under the assumption that Orion females didn't much care for females of other races.' He watched as they exchanged chaste kisses on the cheek and a brief hug. Then, he noticed he wasn't the only one watching the scene between the two girls, but he was the only one who wasn't drooling or looking at their parting with disgust.

One of his hands snaked out to tug on the end of his braid as he debated what he could say to the girl that wouldn't insult her or her intelligence. 'I could always tell her the truth, but then I'm no good with tact… Fuck…' Giving up on plotting anything out, he decided he'd just wing it. As he approached Relena, he noticed she was wearing a suspiciously happy smile. 'Definitely strange…' "Hey, Relena, look, I—"

"Oh, Mr. Maxwell, correct?" She was still smiling that stupid smile, but there was a gleam in her eyes that he didn't really care for.

"Duo, actually, but, I just want to say sorry about 'Fei… He's not that bad, I swear. Okay, so he's a bit of jerk, but he grows on you."

"I assure you, _Duo,_" she said his name as if it left a bad taste in her mouth, "that anything Mr. Chang said is a reflection on himself, and not you or the rest of your crew."

He frowned and eyed her closely. "Yeah, I guess, but I still want to say that I'm sorry if he insulted you or something."

"I am not insulted," she replied, looking around her for something. Suddenly, they were surrounded by a mob of Capellan guards. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make my rounds."

"Yeah, sure," Duo said, his mind racing. 'Something's not right in the state of Relena World. And what's up with that Orion chick? I'd better tell Q and Tro about this. Hell, 'Fei needs to know too. I don't like this.' His footsteps quickened with every thought, until he was running his way back to the Gundam as fast as he could.

_~takatakataka_~

Wufei gritted his teeth and tried not to picture just how he was going to kill Duo for installing the antique keyboard sound effect throughout the Gundam. How the hell that noise helped anyone think was beyond him. A tiny click every time you pressed a button, not just when a program executed its command... arrgh!

And it didn't even seem to _register _with the Bor- with Heero! He just sat there reading Trowa's stupid psychology articles and taking notes as if he wouldn't so much as blink if the console _exploded_, much less made those stupid little clicks-

~_takatakatak_-~

"Would you stop that?"

Heero paused. "Define 'that'."

'Breathing' would be a nice start, but it probably wouldn't do anything to affect him anyway. Borg ships were open to vacuum, weren't they? "That _clacking_," Wufei snapped, gesturing curtly at the console.

Heero looked down at the console, then back at Wufei. Then he almost seemed to shrug, and the typing started up again. But before Wufei could do more than breathe in to growl - or yell, or attack, he hadn't decided yet - the noise stopped. Heero's hands continued to move on the display, but the noise had stopped.

Wufei blinked. He'd... the drone had put the console on mute. ... He'd somehow sidestepped Duo's aggravating security prank programs to do so, but he'd done it at Wufei's request. Command.

... Not that the drone had figured out how to refuse orders yet.

"... Thank you," Wufei muttered anyway.

"The sound was incongruous and anachronistic," Heero replied. "It was not necessary to the process."

Both turned as the door to the crew's lounge area slid open and revealed a winded, flushed, and stooped-over braided human. "'Fei…_~pant~_ 'Ro…_~pant~_ Where are Q and Tro?" He stood up from his crouched position. "We have a problem!"

"They have not yet returned to the collec- the ship," Heero said, as Wufei strode across the cargo bay and pulled Duo inside, peering into the Risan night for the usual 'problems'. No drunken men, no gangs of shrieking women (Klingon or otherwise), no Ferengi waving receipts and gnashing their crooked little teeth for blood and latinum... huh.

"'Fei, have you ever heard of a *female* that was affected by Orion pheromones?"

Wufei blinked down at Duo. "... There are a few species where the females aren't negatively affected, so it happens sometimes when one isn't entirely androsexual. And some single-sexed or the feminine-neutral types of many-sexed species, like the Andorian shen, can also succumb to Orion pheromones. Why?"

"Ventaxian twit and that Orion slave we saw… I saw them together, and there was nothing platonic about the look they shared. And I went to apologize to her," Duo sighed as Wufei grimaced, "don't look at me like that! I went to apologize, and I… There was just something really *_off*_ about the way she was acting. I dunno how else to explain it, but my gut tells me that all's not well in the state of Denmark."

"_tHen margh_, (1)" Wufei corrected automatically, hauling Duo to the replicator. "Not that there wasn't something off about the Relena in the first place. I wish you'd let Trowa test your psi levels... _Raktajino_, Duo blend five."

Duo glared at his lover, but took the cup of Klingon coffee as soon as the blue motes of the replicator dispersed. "There's nothing wrong with my psi levels, thank you. And I don't do unnecessary examinations… At least not with strange Vulcans." He smirked into his cup before drinking.

"Uh huh." Wufei stifled at least three possible responses - he wasn't qualified to play doctor, Trowa wasn't that strange, Duo's psi levels probably weren't human-normal null - and got back to the point. "So we've established that the Ventaxian is at least bisexual. Oh no, stop the presses, call the subspace news outlets - hands off the console, Heero, that's sarcasm."

Quatre and Trowa entered the cabin and looked around calmly. "Is there something that we're missing?" the captain asked, taking in the situation with his crew members.

"Oh, nothing much, Q," Duo replied. "Except that I saw that Relena chick coming out of a clearing with an Orion female. I mean, that's just strange, even for her…"

"Well, that would coincide with what we saw earlier," the Betazoid said thoughtfully. "Although, it bothers me that somehow her being with the Orion made empathy practically impossible."

"Great," Wufei muttered. "I hate Orions. They're never up to anything honorable... and now one's, what, found a way to enthrall an ambassador's granddaughter and block telepaths?"

"You know, I know I brought this up, but can we maybe get the hell off of this hunk of rock? I'm starting to get a cold chill, and my short hairs are on end," Duo said sweetly.

Wufei cursed. "Heero, come help secure the cargo."

Quatre sighed. "Do I dare ask?"

"Not unless you want to really know." Duo snorted. "Anyway, I'm going back to my engines. Have fun kids!"

Four hours after the Gundam and her crew warped out of the Risan system, a small _pink_ starhopper left orbit…

Commercial Break~!

*Duo and Quatre are standing in front of a very pale blue screen*  
Duo: In need of medical assistance?

Quatre: Well, our experts at GHOSJ Medical Services care about your cure.

Duo: With the wide range of services, such as psychiatry *picture flashes to H with Quatre and G with Duo*, surgery *another flash of J with Heero*, and alternative medicine *another flash of S hypnotizing Trowa and O using acupuncture on Wufei*, one of our physicians is sure to be able to help you.

Quatre: So, come visit one of our leading healthcare specialists today.

*screen goes black*

Quatre sat on the bridge of the Gundam, hours out of the reaches of Risa, carefully piloting the ship through their course with only half of his brain involved in the process. The other half of his attention was focused on the situation with Relena, the Orion girl, and Duo's reaction to the whole thing. He turned to Wufei, who was sitting nearby in the only other seat on the bridge, and sighed. "Wufei, can you tell me exactly what happened between Relena, yourself and the others on Risa? Something with less of Duo's unique flair for dramatics?"

Wufei cast his captain a not entirely agreeable glance. "Heero took one look at the crowd and headed for the beach, which is about the most sensible thing I've ever seen him do. I followed to stand guard," and, he left unspoken, to avoid the party himself. "The Relena shortly blundered in, tried to get friendly with Heero-" exactly how friendly was up for debate, "-and threw ten kinds of Ventaxian fit when she discovered he was three weeks free from Borg and had yet to see rehab. She then promptly decided we're all villains and Heero is a poor waif in her life's story, because that's how Ventaxians tend to operate even when they aren't sheltered and spoiled, and stormed off."

"Wonderful," Quatre muttered under his breath. "So, I can safely assume that the fact that there is a ship now trailing us is perfectly logical?"

"Yes, it is." Wufei tapped his readout, bringing up a full scan of the ship in pursuit. "That's a Ventaxian starhopper. It's one of the fastest ship models in the galaxy, with extremely strong shields, so we can't outrun it or shoot it out of the sky, but there's no place in the structuring or power grid for weapons. So I've been ignoring it."

The captain brought the other ship up on the large screen and frowned. "I must being seeing things. Is that ship…_pink?_" He shook his head as he felt a headache coming on. "Please tell me that that is _not_ what I think it is."

It was almost funny. Clearly, Wufei was punch-drunk on too little sleep. "Ventaxian culture has a very clear system of aesthetics. All shades of red are reserved for unmarried youths; bold pinks are for highborn girls. Guess who's followed us."

Quatre groaned. "What have I done to deserve this?" he swore, and then smiled as he realized that he sounded like Duo right then. "Suggestions would be helpful right now, Security Officer."

"Can't shoot down an ambassador's grandkid. Can't outrun it. We could capture it, but then we'd have to put up with the Relena on board. There aren't any good nebulas or asteroid belts to hide in. Suggest ignoring it."

"I am beginning to regret ever landing on Risa. Treize owes us so much for this little side-trip." He stood as he cleared the main screen. "Take over the bridge. I need something for a headache and probably a glass of something a little stronger than wine."

The engine room was relatively quiet, a welcome environment after the 'fun' the pilots had 'enjoyed' on the Risan surface. When they'd gotten far enough away from the planet, Trowa had taken Heero into the sickbay for what he'd called 'planetary reactions'. Duo had asked how long the results would take to receive and he'd been calmly told that they would be in when they were and to go back to his job by Quatre.

Duo smiled to himself as the comm near his work area beeped, bringing him out of his musings. As he recognized the hailing signal, his smile grew. "What can I do for you, 'Fei?" he purred happily.

"You can accept this incoming signal from the Caput," his Klingon lover snarled. "That _SorghwI'_(2) woman is demanding to speak to you."

"You know, she usually refers to you with much nicer terms," Duo reprimanded gently.

"Like I care… I'm sending it over to you."

"Thanks, lover," he muttered.

"I wasn't aware we were that close, Duo," Hilde's happy voice chirped. "I mean, I'm not complaining or anything, but I don't think Wufei would like to share. Klingon's aren't exactly known for that kind of thing, if I remember correctly."

"Hill, babe, if I was going to leave 'Fei…" The braided man scowled. "Scratch that. Not happening… Anyway, what do you want?"

"God, you're so sweet. I have no idea why the other girls just don't throw themselves at your feet."

"Because Wufei would gut them before they could blink. Sorry, bad day right now… To what do I owe the pleasure of your unforeseen call, Hilde, dear?"

"Well, Mariemaia wanted to check up on you guys, but Wufei said that Quatre was unavailable, so she told me to ask you."

"She's never going to forgive him for that time at the space port, is she?"

"Not any time soon," Hilde answered with a sigh. "It ended up with Ferengi and some hefty fines. Now, what went down?"

"Howie'll do it, but it's gonna cost Treize," Duo said, frowning as he remembered the conversation with his adopted father.

"Did he mention what terms?"

"Yeah, he gave them to me in a file. I'll send them over in a second."

"I'm surprised that you didn't send them over that day." Hilde's blue eyes seemed to spear Duo through the screen. "What else happened?"

"We ended up getting invited to a party while there."

"Oh, a party on Risa… How fun!" The girl's smile fell. "But, you don't look too happy about that."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't so great." Duo related what happened between Relena, Heero, Wufei and himself. "So, yeah, it could have been better."

"There's something else, right?"

"Do you know what it's like to be _stalked_ by a _pink_ starhopper?"

"You… mean…" Hilde started laughing so hard tears streamed down her face. "She's following you guys?"

"Yes," Duo growled. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, you're right! It's fucking hilarious! I have to tell the others!" Duo began swearing as Hilde called out to the members of her crew. "Catch you later!"

When the connection was cut, Duo wanted to crawl into a hole in die. 'The others are never going to forgive me for this,' he thought before ducking into one of the Jeffries tubes, determined to stay there until the Romulans became a peaceful race.

**Notes:**

tHen margh – Klingon, translation of Denmark

SorghwI' – Klingon, saboteur


End file.
